


Everybody Knows (you taught me how to say hello)

by coyotecorpse



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Disorder, Background Relationships, Chronic Pain, Drunken Flirting, Excessive Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Librarian Asahi, M/M, Mentions of the first years, Mutual Pining, Noya is also going through it, Slow Burn, Sugamama, Trans Character, dadchi, daisuga - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26152681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coyotecorpse/pseuds/coyotecorpse
Summary: Asahi's been struggling with his own mind since before he can remember. Noya has recently fallen into a pit he's not sure he can climb out of. Suddenly coming back together throws them straight back into old crushes and even older worries. Can they help each other swim while struggling to keep their own heads above water?
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 5
Kudos: 55





	1. Contradiction

**Author's Note:**

> first time writing asanoya so be gentle 
> 
> TW: minor mentions of unsafe binding. (Daichi is trans and wasn’t smart in high school). general anxiety and overthinking on Asahi’s part

The sounds of the outside world seem far too intrusive in the comfort of Asahi’s small apartment. Every bird chirp and car horn echoes through the early morning air and right into his bedroom like a foghorn across choppy waters. He rolls over, tugging the blankets up over his ears in a feeble attempt to block out the noise of the waking world. Being an early riser always helped when he was in high school, but now, as an adult with no reason to be up before 10am, it feels like a curse.

Asahi knows from time and experience that once he gets the motivation to get out of bed, the noise will fade into the background of his morning routine. Motivation, however, is something that Asahi often struggled with. It eludes him at every turn and leaves him with an ache in the chest that makes him want to lay in bed all day, but he must hunt for it nonetheless. He’s not in high school anymore. He’s an adult, and while he doesn’t need to be awake before 10am, he does have work to do, tasks to complete, and friend’s who will worry if he doesn’t text back fast enough.

The hardwood flooring of his bedroom is icy against the bottoms of his bare feet when he finally rolls out of bed. The trek to the bathroom isn’t a long one but it feels like climbing a mountain. The noise of the outside world hasn’t stopped buzzing inside his head and, for a moment, he thinks about getting back in bed. He wasn’t one to play hooky back in school. He got too anxious thinking about his grades to pretend he had a stomach ache. He wishes he had that pressure now. Grades were a goal to achieve, a simple task that only took time and a little effort. They allowed him to have a one-track mind. Adulthood lacked that goal, or, more specifically, had too many goals for his brain to settle on. Right after graduation, he broke down often. He had so much to think about all the time. His brain would bounce from topic to topic like a gnat on a hot rock. He couldn’t sleep properly or at all really. Things calmed down when he finally took college off the table. It was too much stress for him at the time, and he doesn’t regret the decision except when he does, which only happens when he thinks about it. He’s pretty sure he’d feel the same regret if he did go to college so he just tries to push the thoughts away. Sleeping got easier as time passed. His brain finally got to a point where it just exhausted itself. He’s glad he can rest now but he wishes it wouldn’t be so hard to wake up in the mornings. No matter how long he lays around he still feels tired. Asahi’s brain was a sick contradiction sometimes. He tries not to think about it. He thinks about it often.

He goes through the morning motions without any issues. He’s robotic in his movements and will be until he gets some coffee in his system. It makes his thoughts race but it’s the only way to wake him up some mornings. When he walks back to his bedroom, begrudgingly admitting to himself that he has to change clothes, he notices his phone buzzing on the bedside table. For a second, he fears the worst. An emergency? His mom? Did something happen to his dad? Are Daichi and Suga alright? He quickly grabs his phone, almost dropping it due to the shake his hands seem to carry everywhere nowadays.

**Text Received 9:29am**  
_**Koukun <3: heyyyy, dai and i were wondering if you wanted to get breakfast today?** _

He sighs loudly in relief. He’s always so worked up over nothing. Despite this, the shake doesn’t quite leave his hands, not getting the memo; it never really does.

**Text Sent 9:30am**  
_**Sahi ᵔᴥᵔ: of course! When and where do you guys wanna meet** _

**Text Received 9:30am**  
_**Koukun <3: dai wants muffins so maybe that café across from that park with all the squirrels** _

**Text Received 9:31am**  
_**Koukun <3: we can be there by 10ish** _

**Text Sent 9:31am**  
_**Sahi ᵔᴥᵔ: meet you there! Seeya suga** _

His phone buzzes once more, a goodbye text from Suga. He needs to move quickly to get to the café on time. He doesn’t really like changing his routine but Suga and Daichi will be heading back to college in a couple days and he wants to spend as much time with them as possible. Spring break seems to get shorter every year. Though, he’s pretty sure he’s imagining that.

Asahi likes to live on a semi-schedule. It doesn’t always hit just right but he feels calmer when he has time to plan things, to think them out to the last detail. Daichi tells him he just loves to overthink. Suga thinks it’s an endearing quality, a little quirk rather than a nuisance. Despite disagreeing with both of them, Asahi doesn’t say anything. He’s not endearing and he definitely doesn’t love the way he thinks, but he’s pretty sure his friends already know that.

His morning routine being sped up is a catalyst for a small fit of nervousness. He doesn’t know what to wear. He knows deep down that Suga and Daichi won’t care but what if he looks sloppy or too neat? He can’t wear white because something might spill. He can’t wear a graphic tee because he might look too childish. His favorite sweater shrunk in the dryer so he can’t wear it. It still fits but it’s a little too tight for his comfort, defines his muscles a little too well. Suga would think it made him look handsome; Daichi would crack a joke about needing to match his lift at the gym. Asahi knows they’d mean well, but he doesn’t like being looked at. Someone might take his physique as a threat or, even worse, as an invitation to flirt. He’s pretty sure most people don’t take this long to get dressed, but time flies when your brain won’t be quiet.

Picking out pants is a similar struggle. Too much? Not enough? He’s probably going to be late. He checks the time. 9:55am. He’s definitely going to be late. He grabs a blue sweater and some dark wash jeans and races to change. He yanks the sweater over his head, knocking the loose bun out of his hair and pushing his glasses down his face. Shit. He still had to put contacts in.

After jabbing himself in the eyes a few times and jumping into his jeans only to realize he never took off his sleep pants and then starting the whole struggle over, he still had 5 minutes to fix his hair, leave the house, and make it to the coffee shop. Asahi groans. This always happens when he isn’t given proper notice for hangouts. He shoots Suga a quick text and rushes to the living room to grab his things. Keys? Wallet? Headphones? Hair tie? Spare hair tie? He checks off the list with haste, puts his hair up in a messy (but not too messy) bun, and sprints out the door.

Something that always helped calm Asahi down after a rough morning is riding his bike. He always wears a helmet and the proper pads which often means his hair is a mess when he arrives at his destination, but his brain prefers messy hair to possible injury. This does not stop his brain from making him worry every morning before leaving the house, but Asahi has long since stopped questioning his own idiosyncrasies. The ride to the coffee shop is quick; he knows it by heart, but his brain still stutters over the idea of being lost. He can’t focus on it for very long; Daichi and Suga are waiting for him and he’s already late. He sees the park in the distance so he gives the proper hand signal to turn towards the café and speeds up ever so slightly. He can see Daichi and Suga sitting on the patio outside the quaint building. Soft red umbrellas mark round tables that match the aesthetic of the shop as a whole. Flower pots, muted colors, and a quiet atmosphere make the café one of Asahi’s favorite places to relax. Daichi notices him first and waves him over. Suga immediately perks up when he sees Asahi parking his bike.

“Sahi! My darling! My baby boy! My negative goatee!” Suga’s voice is high pitched and sing-songy and Asahi loves the sound of it.

“Cut it out, Kou. You’re gonna give him an ego.”

“Well, he deserves an ego! He’s my baby boy!”

Asahi’s face flushes a bright red and stammers in search of a reply. Daichi, in true Daichi nature, chuckles with his whole body and slaps Asahi jovially on the shoulder. He missed them. He missed this.

They sit down at a round table and wait for someone to come take their order. The café is small but well-staffed so it doesn’t take very long. Suga gets a far too sugary dessert and something that is barely considered coffee. The waitress, a small red-head who Asahi has seen a few times before, smiles at the silver-haired man for a little too long; Asahi doesn’t think much of it, more worried about practicing his order in his head. Daichi, however, notices the woman’s smile and how her eyes light up. Oh no.

“I’ll have a blueberry muffin and an iced americano.” His voice is clipped, curt, but not rude. Daichi, even when jealous, could never find it in himself to be rude to someone who’s working customer service. He worked at a restaurant on campus and knows that it’s hell on earth. The waitress glances over at him and her smile wavers; her eyes lower to where Daichi’s hand is wrapped gently around Suga’s upper thigh. She quickly puts on another bright smile and flushes a soft pink, presumably embarrassed. Asahi knows he would be. Not that he would ever flirt with someone in public...or at all.

“I’ll have those right out for you,” she scribbles something down on her notepad before turning to a jittery Asahi. “What would you like, sir.”

Asahi nearly throws up right then and there. He goes to say his order but his brain short circuits causing him to stutter nonsensically. Embarrassment blooms like a bruise across his skin, patchy red flush flaring across his face. He feels sick at his stomach, his hands shake rapidly, he needs to get it together and just order; he’s a grown man, an adult. Just Order.

“He’ll have an iced chai latte and a chocolate croissant.”

Suga, a savior disguised by a cheeky smile and sing-song voice, swoops in and rescues the blushing maiden Asahi. A six-foot-tall, physically fit, athlete maiden who can’t make eye contact with his friends at the moment due to the shame filling him. He still feels sick. Suga starts to look worried. More embarrassment floods his body. He hates making his friends worry. He just needs to calm down, just move on, just say something.

_You’re a grown man, Azumane._

“Creep. Why… Why do y-you know my order by heart?” His voice shook wildly but he spits it out, a stupid joke that didn’t land quite right. He hoped it was better than saying nothing. Suga giggles, worry draining from his expression. It was definitely better than nothing.

“Because I know my giant son forgets how to be a person sometimes,” Suga says with a lilt in his voice.

“He isn’t our son Suga. I let you adopt Hinata and Yamaguchi but that’s it.”

“Hey! Kages and Tsuki are our kids too. They just cause some problems now and then,” he trails off for a moment. “Though, they are less of a problem than Noya and Tanaka… wonder what that mayhem duo is up too.”

Asahi’s mind fries at the mention of Noya. It had been years since he’d seen the other man. After splitting up after high school, they never reconnected. It was an almost that haunted him some nights. Four years without talking could cause some emotional distance; Asahi wasn't dumb enough to think otherwise. Tanaka and he talked sometimes because they were the only ones who stuck around in Miyagi. Tanaka stayed at his family woodworking business, spending his days crafting intricate pieces of furniture. Asahi didn’t do much. He had a job at the local library; it wasn’t much but it let him make money while not causing too much stress. But…Noya. He misses Noya; he thinks so at least. He and the other boy were only kind of close. Other than their fight in Noya's first year, their interactions weren’t very emotional. They just played on the same team, an ace and his libero. Well, Noya wasn’t really his libero. Karasuno’s libero, their guardian deity.

“Isn’t Tanaka still around? He works at his family business right?” Daichi cuts off his spiraling thoughts with the questions.

“Yeah. We were the only ones who stuck around after graduation. I don’t know what Noya is up to, though. He went to college in Tokyo, I guess.”

Suga grins brightly and begins thanking the approaching waitress, breaking the awkward air around Asahi and his high school nostalgia. “Thank you so much!”

The conversation drifts, flitting topic to topic tactfully avoiding bringing up Nishinoya again. The rest of the old team was still on the table.

“Hina-chan is still my favorite son. He calls me Sugamama, Daichi. Sugamama.”

Asahi chuckles softly, sipping his drink. Daichi seems consistently unamused.

“Suga he isn’t…” He doesn’t get to finish his sentence.

“HE CALLS HIM DADCHI, AZUMANE! DAD-CHI!” Asahi can’t stifle his laughter anymore. Daichi’s annoyed looks coupled with Suga’s pure enthusiasm sends him over the edge and straight into losing his mind.

“He does call me that. Unfortunately.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it, Dai. You’re his dad! He loves you! Almost as much as he loves Kageyama,” He gasps quickly turning away from Daichi and towards Asahi. “Did you know him and Kages got together! Tsuki and Yama too! Yama and Hina tell me everything… God, I’m such a great mother.”

Daichi rolls his eyes and sighs. “Yes, dear. Most definitely, dear.”

Asahi smiles at his friends. He misses this so much when they’re gone, the back and forth. Daichi and Suga always had a way of making them seem like a team like they were Asahi, Dachi, and Suga not Daichi and Suga…….and Asahi. He was never a third wheel. They were a trio even when the two boys first started dating. Their chemistry always makes Asahi laugh. Spring break feels so short during moments like these. He wishes his brain didn’t think so far ahead.

“Hey! You didn’t complain about my mom-ing when we were in high school! I kept you guys alive.”

“No, Suga. You just yelled at Dai for binding during practice and punched me when I was nervous.” Suga’s glare would’ve been intimidating if Asahi hadn’t faced it a million times before. Instead of melting back into his seat he just sheepishly smiled back.

“I kept you ungrateful monsters alive. Dai would have malformed ribs and you’d be even more of a coward!”

“He’s got a point there, Asa. I can’t imagine you as an even bigger coward.”

Suga’s faux pouting turns to mock rage quickly. He punches Daichi in the shoulder with a loud thud. “How. Dare. You. Asahi is my coward and only I get to be mean to him!”

“Damn, Suga! This is domestic abuse.”

Asahi can’t stop laughing. His friends are idiots. Massive idiots with stupid jokes and loud voices that are currently drawing the attention of a group of people sitting at another table. Asahi’s laugh chokes off in his throat.

Daichi and Suga keep smacking at each other and yelling about divorce, unaware of the world around them. They’ve always been good at that, tuning out the world. Despite their superpower, they always know when Asahi is on edge. It only takes a moment for the pair to notice how Asahi is starting to curl in on himself, muffle his laughs in his shirt, and blush profusely once again.

“Look at what you’ve done, Daichi. You fucked up a perfectly good Asahi. Look at him. Now he’s got anxiety.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely my fault.”

With the fake fighting being over and all peering eyes turned away, Asahi sits up a little straighter and laughs at the duo across from him. His morning wasn’t very good but Suga and Daichi always have a way of making him feel comfortable; their presence is far more comforting than any routine. Not that he would say anything like that out loud. Well, not in front of Daichi. Suga would just be sappy but Daichi doesn’t really know how to show affection outside of being an asshole.

“Asahhhhiii. I know we already interrupted your morning routine of overthinking but do you wanna hang out tonight. There’s a bar downtown that seems fun. We’re only in Miyagi for a few more days but we really wanna go!”

“By we he really means him. I am indifferent.”

Suga makes the meanest face at Daichi that causes Asahi anxiety about going to a bar subside for a moment. “That’s not what you said last night.”

Asahi knows immediately by the face Daichi makes that he’s going to respond with something lewd. God, he hates his friends. He wishes spring break would be over. Daichi’s eyebrows raise and his eyes glisten. Suga seems to realize his mistake and starts to backtrack but the plan was already in motion. Daichi’s grin spread like a Cheshire cat smile. Asahi wants to crawl under the table and die. The people at the other table seem to notice the tension and glance over. Asahi feels like he might explode. Suga looks like a scolding mother but Daichi cannot be stopped.

“Yeah, well, I was trying to get you to shut up so we could go to bed and ya know to do more important things.” He waggles his eyebrows and Suga gasps loudly. Asahi wants to die.

“If I agree to go, will you stop him? Please Suga… I’m begging you.”

Suga smiles and Daichi doesn’t even bother to look guilty. “Yeah, I can stop him. You deserve to be punished, right Dai.” His voice lilts up and he caresses Daichi's upper arm. Asahi hate-loves his friends but mostly hates them. 75% hate. They’re gonna kill him. He’s gonna die.

“Please stop.”

Daichi lets out a loud, dad-laugh, and even tears up. Suga giggles softly, cheeky, and oh-so mean. Always laughing at Asahi’s expense; he needs better friends. He’d never find better friends. God… he hates that he loves them.

“Soooooo… You are coming to the bar?” Daichi’s still losing it next to Suga as the other man attempts to restart the conversation. The dark-haired man starts dramatically wiping away the wetness from his eyes, still full-body laughing,

“Only if you promise me something.” Suga starts nodding rapidly, slapping Daichi in the shoulder trying to catch his attention. Asahi never wants to go to bars or clubs or any other place that Suga loves dearly and finds entertaining. “You guys can’t disappear to do lecherous things together, and I get to leave wherever I want.”

Daichi and Suga share a quick look, communicating without words before nodding in unison. Daichi sticks his hand and Asahi shakes it. “Sounds like a deal, Azumane.”


	2. Peach Pit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bar scene time!
> 
> Tw: panic attack, mentions of alcohol and heavy drinking, vomit (one sentence on Asahi's part)

Bars aren’t really Asahi’s thing. The dark lighting, loud music, and copious amount of alcohol usually push him so far out of his comfort zone that he feels he might die. Suga’s bad habit of dragging Daichi to the nearest bathroom when he had one too many didn’t help at all. Bar+Asahi=Intense Panic. That’s just the way it is and Asahi doesn’t really mind. Daichi and Suga were only in Miyagi on occasion and he doesn’t have anyone else he’d want to go out drinking with so avoiding bars was as simple as just not going.

Suga and Daichi, on the other hand, can often be found at a bar when they aren’t busy with classes and work. Suga loves to dance and drink and tease his poor boyfriend so bar hopping was a semi-tradition for the couple. Once Hinata and the rest of Suga’s self-proclaimed children turned 21, they also became a part of Suga’s tipsy adventures through Tokyo. Daichi isn’t as into drinking as Suga. Suga likes to push limits and on more than one occasion has gotten so drunk he couldn’t remember his own name. Daichi prefers to casually drink, enjoying the occasional beer while watching Suga let loose. Neither of the two college students are lightweights. While Suga can (and will) get extremely wasted, it still takes him a few drinks to get there. Daichi is simply a big man who can handle his liquor better than most. Asahi was also a pretty big boy, but he  _ could not _ handle his alcohol. Asahi doesn’t drink often; when he does, it is always in casual settings with close friends. This is due to him: 1. Being far too nervous to let himself go in front of strangers and 2. Apparently being a very flirty drunk. He can’t remember ever being really, truly drunk, but Suga loves good blackmail and remembers every embarrassing moment of Asahi’s life. This is why Suga never forgets to remind Asahi of the time they got drunk after graduation and Asahi had spent the night chatting up a guy at least 2 heads shorter than him at some dead-end bar. Asahi, who only remembers the first half of the night, would rather die than let history repeat itself.

For the second time that day, Asahi finds himself struggling over what to wear. He has a few hours before they have to meet up again. His stomach would barely settle enough to let him each lunch and dinner was out of the question. He couldn’t stop himself from freaking out over every little detail. Bars could be messy and loud and oh god what if someone wanted to dance with him?! He didn’t want to look bad but he also didn't want to look like he tried too hard. God forbid someone thinks he was looking for attention. He isn’t sure why he agreed to go to the stupid bar in the first place. Suga and Daichi could have easily gone alone and had a great time.

_ Buzz buzz buzz _

His phone vibrates rapidly and nearly slips off the dresser. He checks it, knowing it's probably Suga.

**Text Received 8:48pm**

**_Koukun <3: we still good for the bar plan?_ **

He should say no, that he changed his mind or something came up, but the very thought of lying to Suga makes him feel so guilty he could cry. He knows Suga would understand the truth and wouldn’t push Asahi to do something he didn’t want to do, but he and Dai will only be in town for 4 more days and he doesn’t want to miss out on seeing them even if it means being anxious for a few hours.

**Text Sent 8:53pm**

**_Sahi ᵔᴥᵔ: yeah we’re still good! You’re coming to get me at 10 right???_ **

**Text Received 8:54pm**

**_Koukun <3: yep! See you then, bubs :)_ **

He had an hour to get ready before Daichi and Suga came to pick him up. He could do that. Getting dressed wouldn’t take that long. He could do this. He was a big boy.

He opened his closet slowly and his heart sank. He couldn’t do this.

After a long and thorough brainstorming secession, Asahi decides that maybe he should just give up. Every idea he had was quickly replaced with worries and anxiety. Bars really aren’t his thing. He could still cancel. Suga would understand and Daichi would only laugh at him a little bit. He grabs his phone to shoot the silver-haired man a message when he notices the time. Oh shit. 9:58pm. He’s doomed.

As if on cue, he hears a knocking at his door. He runs gracelessly to open the door, slipping on the hardwood, shame flooding his chest. He had an hour to get dressed and he couldn’t do it. He is 24 years old and can’t even dress himself properly. He wishes he never said yes to Suga's proposition in the first place. His sweaty palm makes opening the door difficult but when he finally gets it, he’s not surprised to see Suga’s smiling face with a smirking Daichi in tow. “Sorry, I got sidetracked and couldn’t think of something to wear and I tried to move quickly but I have no idea what to wear and I just…”

“Woah there big guy. It’s alright. Suga and I can help you find something real quick.” Daichi’s voice is smooth and even with the slightest rasp. It settles Asahi’s nerves and makes him feel infinitely better. Daichi was always known for being solid and reliable especially when he was the captain of the volleyball team. He made everyone around him feel safe and protected. He set a strong foundation so that other (people like Asahi) never felt like he was going to flake out on them. Asahi feels incredibly grateful that he found Daichi in his first year. He isn’t sure where he’d be without the other man pushing him forward and lifting him up.

“Ohhhh! I’ve been waiting for this moment forever! Please let me dress you up, Sahi!” It’s not phrased as a question, so Asahi assumes he has little to no say in the matter. Suga’s excitement makes him feel like he had nothing to worry about after all. That’s usually how his worries go, but it doesn’t stop the warm fuzzy feeling blooming in his chest.

“Yeah, Sugs. That’d be fun. Just please don’t go overboard.”

Suga mock salutes with a massive grin on his face. “Sir, yes, sir!”

The trio walks back to Asahi’s tiny room with an even smaller closet which doesn’t have many options in it. It’s contents are mostly just oversized sweaters, cardigans, and plain t-shirts. Suga spends a few minutes rummaging around while Daichi and Asahi watch him work. They know better than to interrupt him. This is Suga’s world and they’re just living in it. The smaller man paces around a little more before coming to a dead stop, small hands already gripping the fabric of a beige color mock neck t-shirt.

“Why have I never seen you wear this?” Suga says with a stern look on his face that makes Asahi want to hide behind his hair.

“I just never had a reason to, I guess…”

Suga sighs exasperatedly and shoves the shirt into Asahi’s hand. “Put this on with those black jeans you have. You know, the ones that are a little high waisted.” Asahi turns to walk to the dresser when Suga starts speaking again. “And remember to tuck the shirt in!”

Daichi laughs at Suga’s commanding tone and pulls the other man into his lap. “Babe, I think he gets it. Don’t drill sergeant himself to death.” Suga smacks him in the shoulder as Asahi steps into the bathroom to change. Asahi can hear them play fighting through the door and can’t help but smile.

He slips the shirt over his head and then jumps into his jeans, taking Suga’s advice and tucking the shirt in. He stares at himself in the mirror, eyes scanning up and down his frame. He doesn’t hate it; really, he doesn’t, but he does hate how the shirt sleeves cling to his biceps and how the high waisted jeans cling to his hips, highlight the slimness of them. Asahi is a big man, a very big man, and while many say he’s attractive (which he vehemently denies), he can’t help but feel like it's a curse. The taunts he faced in high school continue to haunt him. He’s terrified of being seen as threatening or even more embarrassing being seen as a letdown. A few brave girls confessed to him back then and were all disappointed by his glass heart. He looked tough but was the exact opposite. He hates letting people down even if it’s a stranger making assumptions about him.

“Asahiiiii,” Suga calls from the bedroom. “Don’t make us wait all night!”

He shyly steps out into the room, hair falling down over his face in an attempt to hide. A gasp sounds through the silence; he shrinks in on himself even further.

“You look amazing! I love it!” Suga leaps forward and forces Asahi to do a turn for him, grinning like a madman the whole time. “God, I am so good at what I do.”

Daichi grabs Suga’s hand and pulls him away from a flustered Asahi. “That’s enough bragging, Kou. You do look good though.” Asahi blushes furiously at the compliment but neither of the other boy's comment. “Let’s get going, boys.”

“Wait! One last thing.” Suga tugs a hair tie off Asahi’s wrist and shoves the taller man down on the bed. “Turn around so I can braid your hair.” Asahi isn’t in any position to decline and secretly (not really) loves when Suga plays with his hair. Suga works quickly and tugs each strand into a perfect braid down Asahi’s back. He expertly tugs a few strands out to frame the man’s face and demands he turn around so he can see his work. Daichi smirks in the corner while Suga makes his final few touches all while looking incredibly smug. “I really am the best.”

Asahi stutters out a “yeah” while Daichi drones “yes dear”. With Suga happy with Asahi’s outfit, the trio head out to the car. Daichi is almost always the designated driver of the group simply because Suga loves to drink and Asahi hates driving. This means that Daichi often has to babysit a drunk Suga and an overwhelmed Asahi after their rare nights out, but he doesn’t mind. He loves them both enough to not be annoyed by their more innocent quirks (though he does often voice his complaints without hesitation).

The drive to the bar is uneventful. Suga practically vibrates in his seat due to excitement, singing along to every song that comes on the radio. Asahi is the exact opposite. He’s still not sure why he agreed to come out tonight. His leg won’t stop bouncing, filled with restless energy., and he can’t stop worrying about how he looks. He  _ really  _ hates bars.

They arrive at The Peach Pit Lounge pretty quickly. Suga immediately bounds out of the car and towards the door, shouting for Daichi and Asahi to hurry up. The inside of the bar is poorly lit, soft fairy lights lining the walls alongside soft pink neon signs. Music is playing over the tinny speakers, a smooth rhythm with lots of drums. Asahi doesn’t recognize the song but Suga clearly does, swaying on beat and mouthing the words. Daichi grabs Suga by the arm and leads them over to a corner table. It takes a few minutes for Suga to decide what fruity drink he wants to order but when he finally does decide it becomes clear that he wants to get truly wasted tonight. Suga is a man of habit even with his spontaneous nature. His drink order always reveals how the night is going to progress; Asahi had learned this the hard way. Raspberry cosmo means he wants to get wasted, black sake when he wants to dance, watermelon sparkler when he just wants to relax, and Asahi’s least favorite, red wine, when he wants to get laid. Tonight is a raspberry cosmo night which means that Daichi will spend the night playing babysitter while Asahi tries to hide in the back corner and sip his club soda.

Daichi volunteers to go grab the drinks, leaving a very nervous Asahi with and a very excited Sugawara. “You look nervous, bubs. Why don’t you order something with a little alcohol in it, ya know, take the edge off?”

“Suga you know I don’t like being drunk. I act all embarrassing…” His face flushes at the very thought. 

“If by embarrassing, you mean endearing and flirty then yeah I know. You don’t even have to get drunk. Just drink a beer with Daichi and relax.” He sounds like he’s pleading, like Asahi drinking tonight would be some kind of favor. Asahi is such a weak man when it comes to his friends.

“Maybe later in the night.” 

Suga’s response is cut off by Daichi sitting the drinks down on the table with a little clink. Suga immediately takes a long sip of his cosmo before eating the fresh berry floating in the alcohol. Daichi laughs at his eagerness and slides Asahi his sparkling water. Asahi gives him a grateful nod and takes a sip of his own drink.

“This is delicious! Thanks, Dai.” Suga snuggles up against the larger man’s side when he slips into the booth. Daichi just smiles and wraps his arm around Suga’s shoulders. Asahi feels like a third wheel for approximately 5 seconds before Suga starts chatting again. His long-winded tangents only stopping when he takes another sip of his drink. Daichi and Asahi barely get a word in outside the occasional comment about how idiotic Hinata and Kageyama are. 

Asahi finds himself scanning the bar during Suga’s story about how Hinata somehow got his head stuck in the railing of the dorm stairway. His eyes trace lines around dancing bodies and neon signs in the shape of peaches. The bar isn’t bad. No one has tried to bother them and the music is at an acceptable level. Suga being the menace he is, interrupts Asahi’s thoughts with the proclamation that he needs a refill. Daichi sighs and lets Suga out of the booth. “Get me another beer while you’re at it, sweetheart.”

Suga nods and waltzes through the crowd. Asahi watches as he disappears through the mass of bodies effortlessly. He wishes he could move amongst people with that level of ease. His massive body just takes up too much space to squeeze past people comfortably.

“He’s gonna be a problem tonight.” Daichi’s voice cuts through his thoughts like butter.

“Y-yeah, probably.” He thinks for a moment. “Isn’t Suga always a problem?”

Daichi chuckles. “Yeah, he is, but drunk Suga likes to cause problems on purpose. The little bastard.”

Asahi laughs at Daichi’s tone. He’s always so loving towards Suga but so unamused at the same time. They make a perfect pair. “You’re the one who loves him, so that makes him your problem.”

“That’s not true at all. You love the menace as much as do, you big softy. You even let him drag you out to a bar of all places.”

“You got me there, Dai. You got me there.”

Suga pops up suddenly out of the corner of his eye, drinks in hand. “What’re you boys talking about?”

Daichi grabs him by the hips and tugs him back down into the booth. “About how much we love youuuu.” He drags out the last syllable, placing kisses on Suga’s smiling face.

Suga giggles loudly and pushes Daichi away, slender fingers pressed against the other man’s face. “Hey! Get off me, you lug. I’m trying to drink!” Daichi backs off but not before landing one good peck on Suga’s mouth. 

Suga passes Asahi an unopened beer and glares until the taller man opens it and takes a sip. Happy that everyone at the table is drinking, Suga gets back into his story about how they had to call the fire department to unstick Hinata’s head. The trio drinks between laughing fits and stupid stories, happy to be together after months of school keeping them apart.

After telling as many stories as possible between drinks, Suga decides it's time for him and Daichi to go dance for a little while. “You gonna be alright by yourself, bubs,” Suga drawls, hand resting on Asahi’s shoulder. “You can come dance with us.” 

Asahi puts on a reassuring smile and declines. “No, no, you and Dai can go dance. I’ll be right here waiting for you to get done.” Suga doesn’t seem to be very happy with his answer but gets distracted by a song playing over the loudspeaker and drags Daichi to the dance floor without complaint.

Now alone in a dark corner in a stranger bar with nothing but a half-empty beer to keep him company, Asahi can’t help but feel a little anxious. He must look pretty strange sitting by himself in the very back of the bar. What kind of grown man comes to a bar just to hide in the corner and drink. The idea that he might look like he’s up to good fills his head. He probably looks like a gangster or some kind of drug dealer. He tries to shrink down in his seat, no longer interested in watching Suga dance. He doesn’t know his friends do it. They both look so free, laughing and spinning out amongst the other bar patrons. He knows he should go out there with them maybe even find a dance partner, but his stomach turns at the very thought. He needs to get out of here. He grabs his phone and darts to the bathroom, perfectly prepared to hide in a stall until his heart rate slows down.

He moves quickly, bumping into other people which only makes his anxiety spike higher, Mumbles of “sorry” and “excuse me” spill past his lips and into uncaring ears. He’s almost there. The bathroom is only a few feet away. Right when he hits the door it swings open and he slams right into the person coming. Asahi stumbles, falling back into the sidewall. The person he hit isn’t as lucky and slams right into the floor. 

Asahi begins to shake and his eyes well up with tears. Oh god. Not right here, He’s so close. “I’m so sorry. Are you alright?”

The guy on the ground looks up and for the first time, Asahi gets a good look at him. Striking honey brown eyes and a stark bleached stripe in the front of his hair.  _ Holy Shit! _

“N-nishinoya?”

“Asahi? Dude!” Asahi’s heart sinks even further. He can’t handle this right now. He just needs a moment, just a second, to collect himself.

Noya pushes himself off the ground and moves towards Asahi’s shaking form. “Hey, man, are you alright?”

Asahi ducks his head quickly and nods. “Yeah!” His voice is too loud for the distance between them but Noya doesn’t say anything. “I just… uh. Need to use the bathroom really badly. Just give me a sec.”

Noya doesn’t get the chance to say anything as Asahi scrambles past and ducks into the bathroom. He immediately leans over the toilet and vomits, hands shaking and tears rolling down his face. He can’t catch his breath, everything in the room spins so quickly it makes him even sicker. He feels like he's suffocating on his own breaths. He shifts so his back is pressed against the tile wall of the single bathroom, the coolness of it relieving his stress only slightly. He just needs a moment, some space to breathe then he’ll be fine. He’ll be  _ fine.  _

His phone buzzes in his pocket. Daichi.

**Text Received 12:13am**

**_Dai ∪･ω･∪: hey man, you disappeared. You alright?_ **

**Text Sent 12:13am**

**_Nervous Beard (*^.^*): yeah I’m fine just had to pee. I bumped into someone from hs._ **

**Text Received 12:14am**

**_Dai ∪･ω･∪: alrighty. Bring em on back to the table. Suga’s finally done dancing_ **

Asahi sighs, breaths still coming out uneven. He’s gotten better at calming himself down but it still sucks. He flushes the toilet and moves to the sink, eyes avoiding his reflection. He doesn’t want to see himself. He knows his eyes and cheeks are red and his face is stained with tear tracks. He wets a piece of towels and dabs it at his tender face; he also gargles some sink water in an attempt to get the taste of stomach acid out of his mouth. He feels disgusting, but Noya is waiting outside and so are Dai and Suga. He’s got to get over himself and buck up for once in his miserable life.

He washes his hands before exiting. Noya is standing right where he left him, a small smile on his face. “Hey man, you here by yourself?”

The question catches Asahi off guard. “N-nah. Daichi and Suga dragged me out.”

Noya laughs and it makes Asahi feel just like it did back in high school. Butterflies erupt in his stomach and he flushes pink. “This place seems more their style than yours. No offense, man, but you haven’t changed since high school.” If only he knew how much Asahi had changed, how much worse things were.

“You too, Noya. It was like running into a memory.” He feels embarrassed the minute it leaves his lips but Noya just smiles.

“Sooo, Suga and Daichi?”

“Oh uh yeah! They’re waiting for me at our table. You wanna come see them?”

Noya nods enthusiastically and gestures to the crowd ahead of them. “Lead the way Asahi-san.”


	3. When the Night is Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asahi brings Noya back to the table and hijinks ensue.
> 
> tw: drinking, flirty suga, asahi's massive crush. (also a single reference to the vomit scene in the previous chapter)

Walking Noya back to the table feels like a dream. Asahi floats easily through the crowd with a chatty Noya not far behind him. He usually feels off after a panic attack but this static feeling is new. He’s not sure what to think about it, but he knows it's better than the depression and tiredness that usually consumes him after an attack. Suga, who seems a lot drunker than when Asahi left, waves excitedly from Daichi’s side.

“Noya! Our Guardian Deity! How have you been?” He grabs Noya by the hands and spins him around in a wobbly circle.

Noya grins and allows himself to spin. “Sugawara-kun! It’s been so long. I’m alright. How are you?” His voice is sweet and loud and Asahi’s stomach twists at the sound.

Suga slows the spinning and stumbles back into Daichi’s chest. Daichi sighs and pushes the man into the booth. Asahi and Noya follow suit and cram into the other side of the booth. “I’m good! Great even!”

Noya laughs and it’s a little too loud for the close proximity but Asahi has to stop himself from swooning despite the volume. He feels too big like he’s taking up far too much space. The tips of his fingers tingle and his breath still escapes him. Noya always had a way of knocking him off balance. Daichi seems to notice his strange behavior and cocks his head to the side in question. Asahi shakes his head and accepts the beer Suga’s pushing into his hand. He takes a sip to calm his nerves. It doesn’t work very well.

Daichi asks about volleyball and Noya launches into a story about his teammates. He laughs and gestures wildly. He has his signature grin on his face and the bleached stripe in his hair sticks to his forehead. Suga and Daichi keep up the conversation and Suga, in true drunken nature, makes stupid comments that cause Noya’s smile to become even wider. Asahi’s skin feels too tight. He’s missed this, Noya, and the way he makes him feel, but right now, in this stupid bar with the taste of bile in the back of his throat, he just feels awful. He takes another sip, then another, then another, anything to keep from having to talk. By the time Noya’s done with his story Asahi’s two beers in and hasn’t said a word. Suga, a little too tipsy to notice Asahi’s discomfort, decides that it’s time for him to start talking.

“Asaaaahiiii, you’re sooo quiet. Don’t you wanna talk to us?” His words slur but his tone is teasing. Asahi blushes and shrinks back into his seat, leaning away from Noya.

“I was just listening.”

“Suuurre you were. Don’t worry Noya, I’d never ignore you. You’re still my little kouhai.” Suga reaches across the table and ruffles Noya’s shaggy locks. He’s grown his hair out since high school. He’s also a little taller, but he still doesn’t quite reach Asahi’s shoulder. Asahi could probably crush him if he wanted to, still so much bigger than the other. He leans further away and wishes he had another drink.

“Thanks, Suga. Good to know one of you guys still loves me.” Daichi laughs as Suga blows the shorter man a couple of sloppy kisses.

“Dai, baby, will you go get us another round? Oh, and get Noya something too! What’d’ya wanna drink?”

Noya thinks for a moment and asks for whatever beer Daichi is having. Daichi gets up and pecks Suga on the cheek before trekking towards the bar, which is significantly fuller than when they arrived. “Baby? Did y’all finally get together?”

Suga smiles and nods rapidly. “We made it official after nationals. We were being kind of stupid about it.”

Asahi nods in agreement. “You two were the last ones to figure it out.”

Noya laughs and slaps Asahi lightly on the shoulder. It stings a little but the contact makes him flush. God, he’s an idiot. This isn't high school anymore; he’s got to stop acting like a love-struck schoolboy.

“Hey,” Suga whines. “We were stupid high schoolers. You can’t blame us for our gay panic.”

“That fair, man. It took Ennoshita and Ryuu forever to figure out they had a thing for each other.”

Suga gasps and Asahi can’t help but look shocked as well. “I thought Tanaka was in love with Kiyoko! Him and Ennoshita! Spill, now!” Suga leans across the table and practically shouts.

Daichi has the misfortune to walk back right as Suga starts demanding answers. “What the hell happened after I left?” He passes everyone their drinks and Asahi immediately cracks his open, happy to have a reprieve from the conversation. 

Suga smiles brightly at Daichi and then even more brightly at his drink. He sips it a few times before remembering what was happening. “Apparently Ennoshita and Tanaka got together! Ladykiller Tanaka!” Daichi seems a little shocked but just sits down and looks to Noya for an explanation. 

“So basically, Tanaka’s bi. He really did have a thing for Kiyoko. I mean, who wouldn’t?” He pauses to take a swig from his beer. “Him and her dated for a while after you guys graduated but decided they would be better as just friends. During his whole ‘i just became single again phase’ him and Enno started talking more and becoming friends. I didn’t think anything of it until one day he comes up to me and is like ‘bro how do you know if you like dudes’ and I had no idea how to answer him. Long story short, he and Ennoshita talked about it and started dating soon after. They’re still going pretty strong last I checked.”

“I cannot believe Ennoshita would get with Tanaka. Like I love my bald son but he’s so much and Ennoshita just isn’t.” Asahi knows where Suga’s coming from but he knows from personal experience that sometimes opposites really do attract.

Daichi bumps his shoulder into Suga’s and smiles. “I don’t know why you’re so confused. You’re just as bad as Tanaka sometimes and I still put up with you.”

The two start play fighting and laughing like an old married couple. Noya leans over and whispers to Asahi causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. “They really are in love, huh?”

Asahi jumps back and turns bright pink. His hands shake around his beer and he stutters through a reply. “Yeah, the sure d-do know how to make some...someone feel single.”

Noya laughs heartily and slaps him on the back. Asahi jolts and nearly spills his drink. “God that’s so accurate. I thought Enno and Ryuu were bad but these two are like a married couple.”

Asahi nods his agreement and works his way through his 3rd beer. The drag of being buzzed starts to roll through him. He cracks open a fourth and promises himself not to have much more. If he allows himself to get anything more than buzzed, he might do something stupid. He refuses to make more of a fool of himself in front of Noya.

He’s halfway through the next beer when he notices how the conversation has started to die off. He looks up and immediately realizes why. Suga is kissing Daichi, like really  _ kissing  _ Daichi. Noya notices how Asahi has frozen up next to him and chuckles. “Do they do this often?”

“Unfortunately yeah. Suga isn’t the best at remembering that other people exist when he’s drunk.”

Suga’s hands start drifting south and Asahi has to stop himself from getting too embarrassed. Daichi doesn’t seem to mind the audience and allows Suga to be as handsy as he wishes.

“Are they...are they just gonna do it in front of us.”

“I don’t think so. They usually disappear to find a bathroom right about now.”

As if on cue, Daichi pushes Suga off his lap and pulls the other man out of the booth and towards the bathroom. “We’ll be back soon.” Daichi’s voice is deep, a low rumble that Asahi hates because he knows what it means. Suga grins smugly and trots happily after his boyfriend.

Noya starts cackling the minute they disappear from eyesight. “Oh my god! I was so worried that they were just gonna strip right there.”

Asahi can’t help but laugh with him, the loose thrum of alcohol flowing through him making him less nervous. “It’s better than the time they left me at a bar to go… ya know.”

“They left you!” Noya’s voice is comically loud as he grips Asahi’s shoulders.

"Y-yeah.” Noya leans forward, head almost brushing Asahi’s chest. His breath catches in his throat. Noya moves away as abruptly as he moved forward, a thoughtful look on his face.

“You wanna get them back. Get out of here and leave them behind?”

Asahi’s face turns bright red, but with the way Noya’s looking at him so expectantly, he can’t help but consider it. He has the keys to the car. Daichi always gives him the keys in case Suga gets too wild and he has to ride in the back with him.

“Well, uh, Suga’s house isn’t too far away, and I  _ do _ have the keys…”

Noya starts to bounce happily in his seat. “Pass them here and we can get going. I’ve only had half a beer so I can drive!”

Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it’s Asahi not wanting to let Noya down, maybe it’s his stupid schoolboy crush, but he tosses Noya the keys and allows himself to be dragged to the parking lot. This has to be the worst best decision he’s ever made.

They jump into Daichi’s car and speed out of the parking lot, kicking up dust as they go. Asahi feels incredible, adrenaline pumping through his veins. Noya’s laugh echoes over the radio and makes Asahi’s smile a little wider. “I cannot believe we did that!”

“I was wrong back there, Azumane. You have changed. There is no way 18-year-old you would have agreed with my plan.”

“To be fair, I wouldn’t have been 4 beers in at 18.”

Noya gives a short huff of a laugh and nods. “Sooo, where we going?”

Asahi thinks for a moment, head a little fuzzy with euphoria. “My apartments like 15 minutes away?” He realizes the implication of his words right after they fall past his lips but Noya beats him to the punch.

“Ahhh, so your place. Give me directions and I’ll have us there in no time.” Asahi stutters out his address and gives some minor directions. The silence in the car cuts through his buzz so he turns up the radio and pulls out his phone.

**Text Sent 1:45am**

**_Nervous Beard (*^.^*): sooo me and noya sorta stole your car. Have fun walking Suga home!_ **

It takes a few minutes but Daichi texts back.

**Text Received 1:52am**

**_Dai_ _∪･ω･∪: Azumane you better be joking. If i walk back to that table and you aren’t there, I will start sending you diagrams from my vet books._**

**Text Sent 1:53am**

**_Nervous Beard (*^.^*): i’ll just block you. Payback sucks huh. Have a nice night!_ **

He throws his phone down in the console and laughs as it starts buzzing wildly. Noya glances down and grins. “I assume you told Dai-san?”

“He’s pissed but he’ll get over it.”

Noya smiles at him with a look on his face that Asahi can’t decipher. Asahi’s apartment building comes into view, the familiar brick causing him to sit up in his seat. “My place is right up here.” Nishinoya nods and turns into the lot.

The pair hop out and start up the metal steps to Asahi’s shoebox apartment. “I didn’t know you had your own place until tonight. You must be doing pretty good.”

“It’s not much but it’s mine. I work at the library near the school; it pays alright.”

He fumbles for his keys before pushing them into the lock. The door swings open to reveal his living room. It really isn’t much but Noya walks in like it’s a grand mansion, eyes scoping out every nook and cranny. “This place is awesome! I can’t wait to move out of the dorms. My roommate is the worst!”

Asahi smiles and gestures to the couch. Noya gets the message and plops down while Asahi walks towards the kitchen. “I don’t have much to drink. Is beer alright still?”

Noya calls a ‘yes’ so Asahi grabs two beers and plops down on the couch next to the smaller boy, putting about a foot of space between them. He isn’t quite drunk enough to start flirting yet. Not that he was going to flirt with Noya in the first place. He might be buzzed but he knew better than to meddle with something so fragile, and anyway, his crush on Noya was juvenile, stupid, and naive. He wasn’t gonna let his nostalgia get in the way of rekindling their sort of friendship.

Noya decides that he wants to watch an action movie so Asahi lets him put on something with lots of explosions in the trailer. The two get through about a beer and a half and a good 45 minutes of the movie before Asahi notices how close they’ve gotten. Their knees are touching and Noya’s hand is inches from his leg, fingers dancing softly like the boy couldn’t sit still. After a particularly intense fight scene, Noya shouts at the TV, hands flailing wildly before coming to rest on Asahi thigh. Asahi would feel nervous, does a little bit, but he’s tipsy and Noya is sweet. A small blush covers his cheeks, something so small it could be blamed on the beer. It's about time for him to go to bed, but Noya is so close, so so close. His blood feels like it's bubbling and his chest feels tight. He hasn’t seen Noya this close since their fight in his second year. Then they’d been shouting, he hadn’t had the time to properly appreciate how truly gorgeous Noya is. His big doe eyes, his long lashes, the slight crook in his nose from a break, the little freckles that dot his skin all make Asahi’s heart race. He isn’t drunk enough for this.

“Sahi, you look sleepy.” Noya’s voice is quiet, sweet. It cuts right through the haze of his thoughts, soft like a butter knife.

“I guess I’m a little tired.” He shrugs and turns back to the movie.

Noya’s hand drags along Asahi’s leg, drifting towards his knee. Holy shit. Noya’s slender fingers ghost along Asahi’s jaw, coaxing him to look at the other boy. Noya smiles softly. It's nothing like his usual boisterous smile but it still makes Asahi’s heart stop. It reminds Asahi of all the things he never knew about Noya back in high school, all the things he was too afraid to try and learn. Here in the low light of his living room, body full of cheap beer, he isn’t afraid anymore. He leans into Noya’s grasp, deep brown eyes meeting honey gold ones. “If you’re tired, we can go to bed.”

_ We… _

Asahi’s heart picks up for a moment. He doesn’t want this to be some half-drunken one nightstand. He’s not built for that. But Noya’s voice isn’t laced with lust, his eyes look soft, and his lips are curled into a tiny smile. Somehow Asahi knows that Noya just means sleep. He can do that. Just sleep.

He stands up slowly, stretching his aching muscles as an explosion sounds from the TV. He takes Noya’s tiny hand in his massive one. For once in his life, he doesn’t feel too large. At that moment, years of being insecure about his size disappear. Noya’s hand fits perfectly in his like they were built for this, for each other. He pulls him along, too drunk to care about the TV still playing in the background. They stumble into the bedroom. Noya pulls his shirt off, leaving him a pair of grey sweatpants. Asahi can’t help but stare at his lithe form, well-muscled from volleyball.

“Hurry up, Sahi… I’m tired.” His voice laced with a yawn. It’s single-handedly the cutest thing Asahi has ever witnessed. He quickly undresses and pulls a pair of sleep pants from his dresser drawers. By the time he’s ready for bed Noya has already buried himself in the blankets, head peeking out from the black comforter. His blond streak stands stark against the dark blankets, highlighted perfectly by the street light streaming in through the window. He looks like an angel. Asahi’s heart stutters and he can’t help but smile at the sight. His schoolboy crush grows 6 sizes and his brain spins. He’d do anything for the boy if he’d just let Asahi see him like this again. 

He doesn’t know what he did to deserve this. He hopes sober him can handle it, but sober him’s anxiety is, well, sober him’s problem. He’s pretty drunk right now, so he lets his body move, feet gliding over to the bed. He gently tugs the blankets down and slides in next to Noya, who immediately scoots closer, seeking warmth. The feeling of the smaller boy pressed up against his chest makes him swoon. He wraps his arms around the smaller boy and places his chin atop the mop of brown hair. They fit together perfectly, a matching pair.

“G’night, Noya.”

“Night, Asahi.”

***

“Daiiiichiii… Where’s ‘Sahi and N’shinoya.” Suga’s voice slurs as they walk back the abandoned table

“Shhh, Kou. I already told you he left with Nishinoya. Now, c’mon we gotta get you home.”

Suga smiles and leans on Daichi’s shoulder, unsteady on his feet. “I love youuuu.”

Daichi’s heart soars. He wants to be mad at Asahi but he doesn’t really mind walking Suga home. His house is only a few blocks away and he’s a loving drunk. “I love you too, baby. Let’s go home.”

They make it out of the parking lot with minimal stumbling. Halfway down the street, Suga pulls Daichi down onto a park bench. The street lamp shows off how flushed Suga’s cheeks are. Daichi pulls the other man closer to his side, glad to have a break from practically carrying him down the street. “Dai-kun… gimme kiss!” The silver-haired menace makes grabby hands and Daichi is helpless to resist. He kisses him softly, running his hands through Suga’s hair. Suga leans back, grinning wildly. “I,” Suga hiccups slowly. “I adore you.”

Daichi’s heart leaps into his throat. God, he’s so in love. He could marry this man...He’s gonna marry this man. 

“I adore you more, darling. Now hop up, we gotta get you home before the sun rises.”

  
  



	4. Mistakes Already Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asahi struggles with what happened with Noya. Daichi and Suga do their best to make their anxious giant feel better. A secret about Noya is revealed. All this and more on Asahi Is Dumb: The Dating Show.
> 
> Tw: anxiety with Asahi but i think that's just canon

The sun filtering in through the window causes Asahi to wake, eyes sticky with sleep and head aching. He groans. His head feels like it is stuffed with cotton balls and his throat feels dry. The birds chirping outside don’t care about his sensitive hearing and sing loudly. His mind wanders to the previous night, trying to piece together the blurry moments. He can’t remember much after Suga and Daichi disappeared. He wonders momentarily how he got home.

As he moves to stand, a small whine comes from beneath the blankets. He freezes, memories flooding his aching brain. Noya. He’d brought Noya home with him. They shared a bed. Asahi’s heart sinks to his stomach and his mind races.

A small head pops out from the blankets, soft brown eyes peering up at Asahi angrily. “Lay back down. It’s early.”

His heart leaps from his stomach up into his throat, anxiety mixing with feelings of fondness for the man in front of him. He jumps quickly out of the bed, head spinning at the quick movement. “I… uh… I gotta get ready for work!” His voice is too loud for even his own ears. Noya groans at the sudden volume.

Unable to face the smaller man for any longer, Asahi sprints to his bathroom. Embarrassment floods his body as he digs through his medicine cabinet for pain killers. The spinning of his head mixes painfully with his anxiety and causes his hands to shake more violently than usual. He nearly drops the medicine bottle while trying to spin off the cap. He needs to calm down, think of a plan to get Noya out of his house before he dies of shame. He can’t make an even bigger fool of himself than he already has. 

He can’t help but worry about what Noya might be thinking. Did Noya remember the night before? Was he angry? Did he think they had sex? Asahi's brain jumps to the worst case scenario immediately. What if Noya felt taken advantage of? Maybe he did take advantage of him. He invited him over, offered alcohol, then pulled him into bed with him. He shouldn’t have drank so much. He should’ve just stayed at the bar with Suga and Daichi.

_Oh god._ He forgot about stealing Daichi’s car. The other man must be furious. He probably never wants to talk to him again. He’s ruined not only his closet friendships but also any chance of getting with Noya all in one stupid night.

He tosses back a few pills dry before drinking some water from his tap. He feels disgusting, skin crawling with shame. He wonders if Noya has fallen back to sleep or if he’s waiting for Asah to come out and face him like a man. Asahi doesn’t think he can handle another fight between them. The one in high school was more than enough. 

He brushes his teeth and stares at himself in the mirror, desperately trying to work up the courage to go out and face the adorable man laying in his bed. He’d been waiting for a moment like this for years but now that it’s in front of him his own anxiety won’t let him enjoy it.

He weakly opens the door and braces to face any anger or embarrassment Noya might throw at him. His eyes widen comically; his bed is empty. The duvet is laid gently over the whole bed, not made but not sloppy. He wanders to the living room in the hope of finding Noya there. It’s empty. A note is laying on the kitchen counter. He walks over slowly, mind racing over what Noya could’ve written. He picks it up and scans it, headache worsening. Reading Noya’s messy scrawl while hungover was not the best feeling in the world.

Despite his pain, he read the note in its entirety. It’s actually a pretty sweet note, simply just Noya saying goodbye and wishing him a good day. Asahi scans over the paper a few times, searching for any undertones that may give away what emotions Noya may have been feeling. The words don’t give anything away. It’s just a nice goodbye. Despite this, Asahi’s head starts spinning. He can’t help but feel like he somehow ran Noya off, scared him away.

He pulls out his phone and shoots a text to Suga. He doesn’t really expect an answer, knowing Suga loves to sleep in.

**Text Sent 10:47am**

**_Sahi_ ** **_ᵔᴥᵔ: hey, sorry about disappearing last night. Ig i had too much to drink_ **

To Asahi’s surprise, Suga messages back almost immediately.

**Text Received 10:50am**

**_Koukun <3: it's alright, bubs! Me and Dai had a good time. How did your night with Noya go (*＾∀ﾟ)ъ_ **

**Text Sent 10:50am**

**_Sahi ᵔᴥᵔ: idk… i think i messed up. He ran out this morning but i sorta ran away when i first woke up_ **

**Text Received 10:51am**

**_Koukun <3: oh Asahi. Wanna talk about it later? Me and Dai can come over and we can eat candy and watch movies_ **

**Text Sent 10:52am**

**_Sahi ᵔᴥᵔ: that sounds alright. I get off work at 7. I’ll pick you guys up cause I have Daichi’s car. Sorry about that by the way_ **

**Text Received 10:54am**

**_Koukun <3: don’t worry. I think it was pretty funny. See ya later big guy. I'm going back to bed_ **

Asahi didn’t bother replying, brain going to the movie he watched last night with Noya. He can’t even remember the title, but he does remember how excited Noya looked, the way his eyes lit up at every fight scene. He’d look so pretty sitting on Asahi’s ratty old couch, staring wide-eyed up at the screen. He sighs, moving slowly to the bedroom. He has to get ready for work.

Going to work hungover is not an experience Asahi wants to repeat any time soon. His head hurts something awful, he can’t stand bright light, and he jumps every time he hears someone speak. Luckily it's a quiet day at the library. Stocking shelves and binning books are easy tasks for his addled brain, tedious and simple. He loves his job. It’s quiet, the people are nice, and it doesn’t make his anxiety explode.

Worry still worms its way into his head despite the easy work. His mind jumps back to the night before, going over everything he did wrong. He can’t believe he let himself drink so much and ruin what little chance he had with Nishinoya. The other man must think he’s an idiot. He let him sleep in his bed then ran away the next morning. Not to mention that he slammed into him before going to cry in a bar bathroom. He’s such a fool. His hands tremble as he slides books onto the shelf. He knows somewhere deep down that he shouldn’t be so worried. Noya had left him a note, had climbed into bed with him, and came home with him all of his own free will, but Asahi’s idiot brain won’t stop worrying about the what if’s no matter how improbable.

Work goes by terribly slow, time ticking away like molasses. He just wants to go and pick up Daichi and Suga. The pair will be heading back to college in a few days and he wants to spend so much more time with them. He also wouldn’t mind the comfort that the pair bring him. 

Finally the clock hits 7 and Asahi makes a speedy exit. He had driven Daichi’s car to work so he could pick the pair up later. He hates driving but it felt wrong to make his friends pay for a ride after he stole their car. He knows Daichi is at Suga’s house because it’s the closest to the bar and he wouldn’t leave a drunk Suga to his own devices. The silver-haired man causes enough problems when sober.

He pulls up outside the Sugawara household and shoots Suga a quick message saying he has arrived. The pair pop out through the front door, Daichi looking sternly at Asahi. Asahi immediately felt the blood rush to his face even though he knows Daichi isn’t really mad.

“Bubs!” Suga’s voice is far too loud and causes Asahi to jump. The man is swinging around a bag full of candy with a massive grin on his face. Asahi jumps out of the car and slides into the back seat, letting Daichi take the front.

“So you stole my car just to mess up, huh? I was only fine with it ‘cause I thought you were gonna finally get laid.” Daichi calls, eyes locked on the road.

Suga giggles softly from the passenger seat, bobbing along to the radio. Asahi flushes bright pink and shrinks down into the seat. Daichi smiles, glancing in the rear view mirror at Asahi. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. You’re basically the biggest drama queen I know after Suga.”

Suga’s giggles stop and he slaps Daichi on the shoulder. “Don’t be rude!”

“To Asahi or to you?”

“Both, you meanie! Asahi’s sad so we gotta cheer him up.”

Asahi leans forward, knees pressed uncomfortably to the console. “You really don’t have to. I’m probably just being an idiot.” Suga frowns and pets him gently on the head, always so motherly. Daichi just laughs.

“You’re always an idiot, Sahi. We love you that way.”

Suga slugs him...hard. The thump is audible and makes Asahi cringe empathetically. “You’re so rude, Dai. I know your mother taught you manners. I don’t know how you ended up like this.”

“God made me so much of a dick he forgot to give me one.” His tone is flat as he rubs his sore shoulder.

Asahi chokes on a laugh and Suga follows suit. Daichi smiles at the pair as he pulls into Asahi’s apartment complex.

They hop out the car and race to the stoop, Suga zooming ahead childishly. Once inside, the trio plop down on Asahi's couch. Suga demands on being the one to pick the movie, selecting a goofy animated film. They eat a few pieces of candy while chatting aimlessly before Daichi finally makes the first move towards the topic of Noya.

“So, ya gonna tell us what happened this morning?”

Asahi leans back on the couch, body tensing at the subject. Suga interjects before he can answer. “More importantly, what happened last night?”

“Well, uh, Noya thought it’d be funny if we took your car to get back at you guys for leaving. When we got back here, we had a few more beers and watched a movie…” He starts blushing, thinking about how Noya had looked at him and blearily asked to go to bed, clearly just as drunk as Asahi was.

“Come on! Don’t leave us in suspense. What happened?” Suga starts shoving at his shoulder, eyes wide with excitement.

“He, uh, he asked me if we could go to bed… uhm _my bed_.”

Suga grabs his shirt tightly and Daichi laughs, slapping him on the opposite shoulder. “Get some, big guy!”

“No! We...we didn’t do anything like that.”

Suga reaches over Asahi’s lap and slaps Daichi. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, Daichi was just kidding.”

“Of course I was. I always assume you aren’t getting any.”

Asahi leans back and allows Suga to punch Daichi again, grinning at his friends. The joking between them hasn’t always been so easy. For a long time, Asahi couldn’t tell the difference between a friendly joke and a mean joke, but Daichi and Suga took the time to show him what real joking was like.

“So, did you let him sleep with you?”

“Yeah...it was really cute. His hair had fallen down and he was hiding under the blankets. I was so drunk I just let it happen.”

“How’d you mess up?” Daichi asks softly, trying not to sound mean or mocking.

“Basically, we woke up the next morning. I was sober and anxious and stupid so I ran to the bathroom to hide from my issues. When I finally came out, he’d left. He put a note on the counter. It was nice. He didn’t seem mad or anything, but we also didn’t really talk.”

Suga leans on his shoulder, snuggling as close as possible. “I’m sorry, bubs. I’m sure you two can figure it out.”

Daichi wraps an arm around, comforting him just like his boyfriend. Asahi sits quietly between them, happy to be sandwiched by his two best friends. Daichi breaks the silence. “Why don’t you text him or something? So you guys can meet up again.”

“I don’t have his number, and I’m not sure I could handle seeing him again.”

“Asahi, he left you a note for god’s sake! He wasn’t mad at you.” Suga says pushily, practically shouting in Asahi’s ear.

"I’ll probably just mess things up again. It’s probably best if I just move on.”

Daichi grabs him roughly and forces Asahi to look him in the eye. “Asahi Azumane, don’t you dare say that. You’ve had a crush on him since high school! You’re aren’t gonna move on. You were a little awkward but it’s not that big of a deal!”

Asahi stands up, shoving Daichi and Suga away. “I know! I know it shouldn’t matter, but it does! To me it does! It’s stupid, but I can’t handle being rejected by him, okay!”

Suga stands by him, pulling him into a gentle hug. Daichi’s big arms wrap around them both as he buries his head into Asahi’s hair. Asahi hunches over, leaning heavily on Suga’s very capable shoulders. He lets out soft little cries, not really crying but close. The trio stand for a while before Daichi gently tugs them back down onto the couch. 

Suga pulls away and pats him softly on the face. “I know you feel things a little differently than most people and you get anxious easily, but I agree with Daichi. You haven’t gotten over this crush yet and I think that’s a sign you should pursue it.”

Daichi keeps rubbing his back as Suga talks. Asahi shakes his head, still worrying about everything that could happen. “Suga, I don’t know. Even if I had the courage, I don’t have his number.”

“But you have Tanaka’s, right?”

“Y-yeah”

Suga bounces happily, grinning wildly. “You could message, Tana, to get Nishinoya’s number! Those two are practically inseparable!”

“I don’t know.”

Daichi pats him on the back and passes him a piece of mango candy. “Just think about it, bubs. Please?”

“O-okay. I’ll think about it.” Asahi doesn’t look at either of them, terrified to see disappointment in their eyes at his thinly veiled lie.

Suga just smiles and gets his own piece of candy. “The movie ended. You wanna pick the next one?”

Asahi shakes his head, so Daichi picks instead. They watch a superhero movie and Asahi tries not to think too much about Noya. The action reminded him so much of the smaller man. He wondered if Noya had ever seen this movie. He probably had, knowing him. Noya seemed to love movies with explosions and little plot.

The afternoon turned to night as they got through the movie with little conversation. Suga and Daichi finally left around 11 o’clock, giving long goodbyes and forcing Asahi to promise to at least think about texting Tanaka.

Asahi paced anxiously, occasional glancing at his phone. He doesn’t really want to text Tanaka. It’s late and they don’t know each other very well, but he’d promised. He told them he would, and he hates letting his friends down. He snatches the phone off the table and glares at his shaky hands. He stares at Tanaka’s contact for a few minutes before clicking on it. He doesn’t even know what to say. Him and Tanaka have only ever really talked about work or volleyball. He likes the other man. He is hardworking and fun and never fails to make Asahi chuckle. He finally gets the courage and types out a message, not even reading over it before clicking send, knowing if he did, he’d chicken out.

**Text Sent 11:24pm**

**_Anxious Ace: Hey, Tanaka, I know it’s late but I ran into Nishinoya yesterday but forgot to get his number. Can you send it to me?_ **

It doesn’t take long for him to get a reply.

**Text Received 11:27pm**

**_Tanaka-san: Noya’s in town?!_ **

Confusion struck Asahi. Why would Noya come back to Miyagi without telling his best friend. Maybe Noya had just got in yesterday and was busy with family? 

**Text Sent 11:27pm**

**_Anxious Ace: Yeah, I ran into him yesterday at a bar. Did he not message you?_ **

**Text Received 11:28pm**

**_Tanaka-san: No, man, Noya hasn’t talked to me in like 4 months. I had no clue he was in town_ **

Asahi gasped. _4 Months._ He barely saw Noya and Tanaka without each other for more than 2 days. Why would Noya not talk to Tanaka? He quickly texts back.

**Text Sent 11:32pm**

**_Anxious Ace: What happened? You two were always so close_ **

**Text Received 11:33pm**

**_Tanaka-san: Idk. He just stopped messaging. Guess we just grew apart. I still have his number tho. Tell him text me, alright Azumane? Xxx-xxx-xxxx_ **

**Text Sent 11:33pm**

**_Anxious Ace: I will. Thanks, Tana._ **

His mind races. He doesn’t understand how Tanaka and Noya could just stop being friends. Noya didn’t seem weird at the bar but Asahi was nervous and then drunk and by morning he was nervous again. They didn’t talk much and what happened on the couch was a little out of character but Asahi blamed it on the alcohol. Noya had looked so soft, child-like, maybe even a little sad.

Asahi shakes his head, trying to shake away the thoughts. He has to be projecting what Tanaka told him on to his memories. Noya was fine that night just a little drunk. Asahi hopes that it’s true.

He types the number into his phone and struggles over what to say. He finally settles on something simple.

**Text Sent 11:39pm**

**_Unknown Number: Hey, this is Asahi. I was wondering if you’d like to hang out with me, Suga, and Daichi Wednesday? It’s their last day in town and we want to see the cherry blossoms._ **

He throws his phone down on the couch and runs to the bathroom to get ready for bed and definitely not to hide from any response he might get.

  
  



	5. Late Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to update! i got major writers block but i managed to crank this bad boy out. please enjoy some Noya nonsense!
> 
> tw: internalized homophobia + homophobic parents, tanaka using the winking emoji, lots self-doubt and self-hate on Noya's end, ducks, bad metaphors

For as long as Noya can remember he’s liked girls. Girls like Kiyoko have always grabbed his attention, reeled him in with soft cheeks and gorgeous hair. He can remember distinctly his first crush. She was a blonde in his class during elementary school. She had wild ringlets in her hair that stood out starkly against the dark hair of most of the class. She was smart, shy, and ever so pretty. She made Noya’s heart race and his stomach twist. He was a little too young for real dating but his crush was undeniable. After that, Noya got crushes on lots of girls. He never really had much of a type. There were blondes, brunettes, short girls, and tall girls. He didn’t care what they looked like. Kiyoko was probably the girl he had a crush on the longest. With Tanaka by his side, egging him on, he could’ve sworn he was in love with her. Long story short, Noya has and always will love women.

High school threw him a curveball as is true for most people. He still got lots of crushes and followed around girl after girl with puppy dog eyes, but something changed his first year. Asahi Azumane stumbled into his life with zero grace and a level of awkwardness that gave Noya second-hand embarrassment, and Noya’s chest tightened. Asahi was gorgeous even then. It had confused Noya for the longest time. He liked girls and Asahi definitely wasn’t that. Asahi was all muscle, hard where girls were soft. The only similarity that Noya could think of was the long hair.

At first, he thought it was jealousy. Asahi was everything Noya wasn’t, but it didn’t feel right. Noya didn’t mind being small. It made him an incredible libero the same way Asahi’s height made him an incredible ace. It wasn’t until they had their fight when Noya finally understood. When Asahi walked away from the team,  _ from Noya _ , his heart shattered, splintering into thousands of pieces in his chest. He had a crush on him, a full-blown school-boy crush. 

Noya suppressed it for most of his suspension. He couldn’t like a boy. Boys didn’t like boys. His parents had said it before. He can remember the venom in their voice when discussing same-sex marriage. Boys were meant to love girls. It was that simple. He’d just have to forget Asahi.

He couldn’t forget Asahi.

By the time he returned to school, Noya had pushed his feelings so far down it hurt. He knew he liked Asahi, more than he should, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He had enough problems with his parents, to begin with; he couldn’t make things worse by admitting he was a freak. Even if his parents weren’t an issue, Asahi probably didn’t feel the same way. Asahi was perfect in every way. There was no way he was a freak like Noya, so Noya locked his feelings away and pretended nothing changed. He chased Kiyoko, laughed with Tanaka, and kept his relationship with Asahi as platonic as possible.

After Asahi graduated, Noya fell into a slump. Tanaka got together with Kiyoko leaving Noya feeling left out. His feelings were unresolved. Life was just generally not very great. Then Kiyoko and Tanaka broke up and everything changed.

Tanaka and Ennoshita getting together forced Noya to face a part of himself he tried so hard to bury. If Tanaka (Noya’s best friend in the whole world) could like men, why couldn’t Noya? Tanaka wasn’t a freak. He just happened to love men and women equally; who he loved didn’t change who he was. Tanaka was Tanaka no matter who he dated. Noya came out to his friend two weeks later, teary-eyed and anxious. Tanaka just laughed, soft and kind, and said “Yeah man, I saw you and Asahi. I’m not blind.” 

That had been the end of it, at least until he came out to his parents. They didn’t take it well. They didn’t disown him but there was screaming and crying and a lot of emotional pain. Noya was just happy that graduation was around the corner and he could leave for college, far away from parents who only loved part of him.

College was amazing. He dated boys and girls and played volleyball like his life depended on it. His mother slowly came around to him liking boys. His father tried in his own way, saying he didn’t mind what Noya did as long as he gave him some grandchildren. It still hurt, knowing they would never really accept him, but he took what he could get.

Things happened, life got more difficult as time went on, and it seemed that Noya was the most unlucky man on earth. Which is how he found himself at a dead-end dive bar in Miyagi, trying to think of a place to go that wasn’t home. He was so happy when Asahi literally ran into him. Months on months of bad luck finally turned around. The most beautiful man he’d ever had the pleasure of laying his eyes on was offering to drink with him. How could Noya turn him down?

Drinks turned to stories turned to Noya realizing that maybe he did have a shot. Daichi and Suga’s open flirting coupled with Asahi’s shy glances made Noya’s heart soar. Asahi wasn’t homophobic and he seemed interested. Noya pressed, flirting with the gentle giant until he managed to drink enough liquid courage to ask him to leave and leave they did. Sleeping next to Asahi was amazing from what little he could remember. The morning after, however, made him think his unlucky streak hadn’t quite ended.

Noya checks into a motel, a little sad that he had to leave Asahi’s so fast. He missed the warmth of an actual home, the motel room was so cold and inhospitable in comparison to Asahi’s little shoebox apartment. He hopes he didn’t push the other man too far. They did jump straight from drinks together to sharing a bed. After four years of radio silence, it was a leap of faith. Noya had changed so much since they last spoke in high school, mostly for the worse. He hopes he didn’t push the other man away so soon.

The motel room isn’t awful. He wishes he could go home. Well, technically, he can go home, but he isn’t in the mood to play pretend in front of family. He doesn’t want to talk about girls from school or about his major or how volleyball is going. He doesn’t really want to talk to anyone at all. Asahi is just an outlier, an exception to Noya’s messed up brain. He always has been.

He hasn’t talked to many of his friends for a while, his brain too caught up on his parents' expectations and how poorly his life seems to be going. He should call Tanaka, has been meaning to for months. He misses the other man, but his head hurts and he’s still tired. He’s been tired since the beginning of the new semester, everything he used to find joy in weighing down on him. School sucks. Family sucks. Noya sucks, so he crawls into bed and ignores the guilt. He’ll call Tanaka later.

He wakes up around 2pm, eyes sticky with sleep and stomach rumbling. He rolls out of bed, thinking about how much warmer Asahi’s bed had been. He wishes he got the man’s number. Hanging out with the other man had made him feel more like his old self again. He misses that feeling almost as much as he misses Asahi. It’s only been a few hours but Noya can’t help but feel clingy. He’s been waiting since he was 16 to get with Asahi and he doesn’t want to wait anymore.

Getting up is a slow process, knee cracking awkwardly when he finally stands. He pops a few pills for his hangover and tries to think about what he wants to eat. Breakfast food is out of the question this late, but he isn’t sure what kind of lunch food he wants.

He decides to just grab a couple of meat buns from a corner store and some other small things to keep in the motel room fridge. He doesn’t plan on staying in town for very long but he’ll need to eat at least semi-regularly.

He didn’t pack many changes of clothes, he left in a rush. He really only grabbed the necessities: phone, charger, headphones, and a toothbrush. He did manage to grab a few t-shirts and some sweatpants. He throws on a plain black shirt and some grey sweats before putting the same hoodie he’s been wearing for the past few days back on. The convenience store is just across the street. He half jogs through traffic, not caring enough to look both ways. Miyagi is a tiny place without many cars to look out for.

He slinks through the aisles of the store with his head down, the bright lights of the store making his eyes hurt. He grabs a few bags of chips before moving to the drink cooler. There’s a small freezer full of popsicles. Gari Gari Kun pops catch his eye, he stuffs a few in his basket before grabbing some drinks. On his way to the front of the store, his shoulder crashes into another person.

“Sorry.” The force of the hit knocks him backward, head aching sharply at the quick movement. The person doesn’t respond instead just huffing and shoving past.  _ Rude ass. _

He buys his measly groceries and gets back to the motel room quickly, head unable to take much more exposure to bright lights. The meat buns aren’t awful but are pretty bland. He doesn’t care much, body just happy to finally get food. He watches TV, snacks, and thinks about what he’s going to do while in Miyagi. Spring break ends soon and he isn’t sure how he’s gonna deal with going back to school. He also needs to figure out how to get a hold of Asahi. He refuses to let the man slip through his grasp again.

He can probably get his number through Tanaka. He remembers the other man talking about text Asahi every once and awhile. All he has to do is shoot Tanaka a text. He doesn’t even have to tell him he’s in town. But he will have to address not messaging him for 4 months and ignoring his calls and how he doesn’t even text his mom back anymore. Noya sighs, mouth full of pork bun. Why does he have to make everything so difficult?

He turns his attention to the TV and watches some dumb reality show while trying to work up the courage to text his best friend. He wishes he never stopped texting him in the first place. Everything had just piled up so quickly with college and volleyball and his parents. Noya had felt like he was drowning and instead of asking for help, he ran away. He hid like a child. The guilt he feels doesn’t help the situation at all. He should just message Tanaka. He should talk to him about everything, not just Asahi. Most importantly, he should apologize, but Noya isn’t good with words. He’s a man of action, of wild displays of emotion and affection. His head aches and his knee pops as he rolls over on the hard motel mattress. He hasn’t been good with actions for a long time. He just keeps screwing everything up. Maybe after another nap, he can man up enough to text Tanaka. Maybe he can get Asahi’s number and see him before he heads back to campus. Maybe, just maybe, he can fix things and be the old Noya again, the Noya who didn’t suck so much.

His nap turns into a second sleep, eyes cracking open at 7pm. He eats a crappy dinner of popsicle and chips. His hangover headache doesn’t hurt as much as it did earlier, dulling down to a barely noticeable throb. He takes a couple more pain pills just because and stretches his sore muscles. He decides to take a small walk, clear his head, and think about how to apologize to Tanaka. The man deserves more than a “yeah sorry i didn’t text you for 4 months i was sad”.

He grabs his phone and headphones before heading outside. It’s a little chilly, temperature dropping as clouds roll across the deep blue sky. Spring used to be Noya’s favorite time of year, still is if you ask on the right day. Spring meant volleyball matches and popsicles and friends. Spring meant walking home with Tanaka and seeing the cherry blossoms bloom. Now it just means going home for a few days, visiting family who expect more than Noya can give, and playing volleyball with a team he keeps letting down. Spring changed alongside Noya, growing into something just as miserable as him. There are some days, however, where Noya still can’t deny his love for the season. The sakura still blooms and popsicles still drip sticky sweet onto his calloused hands. If he closes his eyes and just feels the warming air envelop him, it feels like nothing really changed, like he still has a chance to make things better.

He finds his way to a small park. It’s too late for kids to be out, most running home for dinner an hour ago. It’s almost 8pm, the sky darkening faster with every passing minute. The moon peeks from behind clouds as Noya stares out at a small pond. Ducks are swimming happily in small circles while Noya sits idly on a bench, quiet and contemplative.

He wants to talk to Tanaka but he doesn’t know what to say. He can’t find the words to explain why he isolated himself. Perhaps he didn’t have a real reason. Maybe any reason he gave would feel like an excuse. He knows deep down that Tanaka won’t judge him. Forgiveness always came easy to Ryuu despite what his aggressive exterior might say. Ryuu loved him. Ryuu  _ loves _ him. They’re best friends, always have been.

He looks out at the night sky, stars shining down on Noya and the ducks. The air around him chills significantly as time passes. It isn’t quite summer nor is it winter. Spring is a perfect in-between, the center of two extremes. Noya thinks maybe in some way he’s jealous of Spring. Spring is a median, a soft middle ground that appeals to most people. It’s never too much. Spring is everything at once; spring is warm and cool in equal measures, it’s rainy and sunny equally, it’s old and new evenly across the board. Noya has only ever been one thing, loud. He takes up a lot of space with just his presence. He’s happy, abrasive, and energetic. He’s only ever been too much. He’s only ever been hard to handle. But here, under the spring sky, Noya just feels like nothing. He can’t stand it. How can spring handle being so much when he can’t even handle just being himself? How can it just change so easily while he remains stuck, longing for simpler times?

He wants to talk to Tanaka like he used to, wants to fall back into Asahi’s arms like last night, wants his parents to love him like they did when he was 15, wants spring to feel like home again, but the universe doesn’t care what Noya wants. The universe only cares about itself, so time ticks on as the small man struggles with himself, desperate to pick up the phone but far too afraid of what Ryuu might say.

He looks at the ducks and the stars and the way they both sit beautifully on the surface of the pond and makes his decision. He picks up his phone, stares down at the time, and tries not to lose courage. 10:28pm. If he leaves now, he’ll make it back to his hotel by 11:30. He can plug up his phone, take a few breaths, and finally text Tanaka. He pulls himself up off the bench and begins his trek back, ignoring the nagging feeling in his gut.

He’s about to grab his charger when his phone buzzes. Confusion quickly grips him. No one has bothered to text him for a while, knowing they’d receive no reply.

** Text Received 11:31pm **

**_ Ryuu _ :  _ Heard you were in town. It's been awhile since we last talked. I know you probably won’t reply but I’ve missed you, man. I don’t know if I did something or if we just grew apart, but I want us to be friends again. So uh shoot me a message maybe. Don’t be a stranger. _ **

His heart sinks. Of course, Tanaka hadn’t done anything. Noya’s just an idiot, an idiot who hurt the one person who really cared about him.

** Text Sent 11:32pm **

**_ Yuu-tube: I’ve missed you too man. Things have just been all over the place lately. I’m so sorry I ghosted you like that. You didn’t do anything to deserve that. I’m so sorry. I never stopped being your friend ryuu. I’m sorry i was so sucky and made you feel so bad.  _ **

** Text Received 11:32pm **

**_ Ryuu: its okay, bro. Things happen. Maybe you could talk to me about it sometime. We could get lunch or smthin while you’re in Miyagi. _ **

** Text Sent 11:32pm **

**_ Yuu-tube: of course we can. We can do it tomorrow _ **

Noya thought for a moment before sending another message.

** Text Sent 11:33pm **

**_ Yuu-tube: who told you I was in Miyagi _ **

** Text Received 11:34pm **

**_ Ryuu: Asahi from the old team. He said you two bumped into each other and wanted your number ;) you can tell me all about that tomorrow. I want details man _ **

Noya laughs softly, happy that he and Tanaka’s relationship wasn’t too terribly damaged.

** Text Sent 11:34pm **

**_ Yuu-tube: alright alright. I’ll see you tomorrow at your place around 12, ok? _ **

** Text Received 11:35pm **

**_ Ryuu: sounds great! See you then, Nishi _ **

Noya tosses his phone down onto the nightstand before flopping back against the mattress, a stupid smile on his face. Not only did he get to talk to Tanaka, but he also got confirmation that Asahi wants to talk again. He couldn't help but laugh at himself. He was such an idiot not to text Tanaka sooner. They are best friends. Nothing could ever change that. A small buzz catches his attention. He grabs his phone ready to shoot Tanaka a message when he reads the notification. His heart jumps straight into his throat, butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

** Text Received 11:39pm **

**_ Unknown Number: Hey, this is Asahi. I was wondering if you’d like to hang out with me, Suga, and Daichi Wednesday? It’s their last day in town and we want to see the cherry blossoms. _ **

** Text Sent 11:40pm **

**_ Nishinoya: Hey, Sahi! I’d love to come with you guys. Text me the details tomorrow :) _ **

Maybe coming back to Miyagi wasn’t such a terrible idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you guys mind the paragraphs not being indented? i prefer the indent but i wanna know what you guys think. if you liked the old style better, i will update this one.


	6. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanaka and Noya finally talk with only minimal crying and major teasing.
> 
> tw: Noya is really sad for a while, talk about self-isolating, mentions of a sports injury.

Waking up the next day is surprisingly easy. Noya rolls out of bed with a pep in his step, happy to finally be meeting up with his best friend after months apart. He’s a little nervous, always seems to be, but he’s mostly excited. It’s 10:30am which is an early start in Nishinoya’s book. He only gets up before noon if he has a class.

He showers, brushes his teeth, and stares into his mirror for a long while, thinking about how long his hair has gotten. He needs a haircut and also a fresh bleaching. The streak in his hair is grown out and awkward looking, but Ryuu won’t care. He gets dressed and plops down on the motel room bed. He’s still wearing the same pair of jeans from last night and his tattered grey hoodie. He really should’ve brought more clothes.

He watches a movie and scrolls on his phone till around 11:45 before deciding to head towards Tanaka’s place. He calls an uber; he doesn’t have much cash but Tanaka’s worth it.

The ride is uneventful, boring really. The only pop of color against the endless grey of the rainy day is the sakura blossoms. The pink stands out starkly against the dull world and makes Noya feel a little better about his whole situation. He still has a chance to make things right, has the opportunities laid out right in front of him. Tanaka wants to make up, Asahi wants to see him again, and most of all, Noya has two very great distractions to the shit show of his life.

Tanaka’s place is small, a one-bedroom house tucked away in the corner of a tiny suburb. It’s nice, really. Tanaka worked his ass off at his father’s carpentry shop to pay for it. When the uber pulls into the neighborhood, Noya shoots Tanaka a message about his arrival.

He watches Tanaka pop out the front door right as the uber pulls up. Noya hops out quickly after paying and walks only kind of awkwardly towards his best friend. Tanaka doesn’t let him get very far and lunges towards Noya, almost knocking him over. Noya laughs loudly in his arms and allows Ryuu to spin him around.

“YUU!!!”

“TANA!!!”

Tanaka drops him gingerly on the ground and smiles, hands gripping the smaller man’s shoulder. “I’ve really missed you, man.”

Noya smiles sheepishly, embarrassed to admit that he really missed Tanaka after being the one to break contact. “Yeah, sorry for being stupid.”

Tanaka just slaps him on the back and leads him inside as if they never stopped talking. “You aren’t stupid, Noya. You just make stupid decisions sometimes. I’m not mad.” 

Tanaka’s place hasn’t changed much since the last time Noya was in Miyagi. He’s still got movie posters on the walls and a massive snake plant by the window. Tanaka’s place feels like home to Noya even after all the months that have passed. A wave of nostalgia falls over him as Tanaka pulls him into the living room. He’s really missed this.

“You wanna tell me why you’ve been ghosting me recently or do you wanna play video games and ignore it?” Nishinoya laughs at the question, so very thankful for Tanaka. He’s nervous but he knows they have to discuss it. He can’t ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Him and Tanaka are brothers and he never wants to come so close to losing him again.

“I should probably explain.”

“Yeah, maybe but if you need time, we can play mario kart until you’re ready.”

Noya thinks for a moment; he wants to ignore it. He  _ really  _ wants to ignore it, but Tanaka has been waiting 4 months to hear from him, has far more patience than Noya deserves. He sighs, sinking into the couch. “I want to tell you why I did what I did. It’s not a good reason or anything but you uh...you deserve to know.”

Tanaka looks at him, eyes warm and compassionate. He’s changed a little from his old high school self. He’s softer now, more mellow. Ennoshita helped calm him down a lot after the third years left. He’s still loud and funny but in moments like these Noya can see how much he's grown. He’s become a better person, grown into his own man. Noya hasn’t grown at all.

Tanaka smiles, easy and full of understanding. Noya isn’t used to being seen anymore, to being understood. “Come on, Yuu. I promise nothings gonna change how much I love you, man. You’re my brother.”

Noya begrudgingly makes eye contact, nervous, and full of guilt. “Basically, I had an accident. It wasn’t big or anything. Took a bad dive during a game and banged up my knee pretty bad. Coach benched me for a couple of weeks which sucked, a lot. While I was benched I kept thinking about how my knee was going to impact my playing. It’s still not 100% and it’s never going to be again. And I sorta,” He loses his words, a dull throbs coming from his leg at the very thought. “I sorta just slipped. I stopped going to watch practice, my grades fell further than ever before, and I uh I stopped talking to people. Everyone either wanted to hear about my accident, or were pitying me, or were asking what my backup plan was. And I couldn’t take it. I don’t have a plan outside of volleyball and I’m sorta free falling right now. My parents are pissed about my grades and my team feels let down. It’s...It’s just a fucking mess, Ryuu.”

Tanaka stares at him for a moment, eyes widening. Noya braces himself for the pity or the anger to come. What a stupid thing to cut contact about? What a stupid way to get hurt? He’s been playing for years and slips up now? He’s so stupid, such a fucking idiot.

He doesn’t notice the tears in his eyes until Tanaka grabs him, yanking him into a deep, all-encompassing hug. Tanaka holds him close, rubbing his big hands over Noya’s slender shoulders until he feels Noya push lightly at his chest.

“You are an idiot, Nishinoya Yuu. I thought dumb people didn’t exist but here you are. I can’t believe you felt like there was anything that could change what we have, man. Volleyball or no volleyball, you are my motherfucking best friend”

Noya chuckles in a self-deprecating way that makes Tanaka want to hug him again.

“I know, man. I just felt like I wasn’t worth anything anymore. Volleyball has been my everything and now...I honestly just want to quit.”

“No.”

“Tanaka…” He doesn’t get a chance to finish.

“No, Noya, you’re gonna listen to me. You are you with or without volleyball but you don’t get to just quit because you aren’t going pro. You love volleyball and you can’t quit just because things are changing or because you have to readjust. I’m not going to let you punish yourself because you got hurt. Things happen, Noya, things change, but you have to keep trying.”

Noya wipes at his eyes, forcing back the tears that start to well up again. He doesn’t know why he’s being so emotional, such a dumb thing to be upset about. He leans into Tanaka, accepting all the comfort the man can offer. They sit for a while in silence, Noya is unable to say anything. He doesn’t think he can go back to volleyball, but he doesn’t want to upset Tanaka anymore, not after months of radio silence. He’s being too much again, too overbearing. 

After what feels like hours, they separate back into their own spaces on the couch. Noya stares at the floor, playing with his hands. Tanaka stands up, grabbing two Switch controllers and tossing one next to Noya. The smaller boy glances up and smiles.

Tanaka grins right back at him. “So...Mario Kart?” 

Noya grabs the controller and nods, eyes becoming sharp. He’s always been competitive. “You’re on.”

They play for a few minutes with meaningless chatter, taunts, and shouted curses. Tanaka breaks the remaining tension between games with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. 

“So you and Azumane have linked back up? I thought you’d gotten over your thing for him.”

Noya punches him in the shoulder, all playful with no real malice. “Yeah bumped into him a few days ago when I was out drinking.”

Ryuu quirks a brow. The game begins to count down, catching Noya’s attention. “You never used to be much of a drinker.”

Noya shrugs, trying to focus on beating Tanaka. “I was stressed and wanted to have a few beers. He ran into me while I was coming out of the bathroom. He was there with Dai and Suga.” He pauses to use his blue shell, slamming Princess Peach out of his path. “You know those two are together now?”

Tanaka chuckles, passing up Noya with ease. He hears a muttered curse and laughs louder. “Yeah, Asahi mentioned before. You gonna try and make your move on him? I mean, he did come asking for your number.”

Noya struggles to keep his attention on the screen, minding wandering off to how cute Asahi looked in the soft lighting of the bar, face flushed from the alcohol and his general nervousness. 

“I’m trying, man. I don’t know if he’s just nervous or if he’s blind. I literally slept in his bed and he still doesn’t seem to get how hard I’m flirting.”

Tanaka laughs again, bumping Noya with his shoulder. The smaller man curses, shoving Tanaka back. He’s losing and bad.

“You’ve had a thing for him since high school. And he def had a thing for you too. I mean all he did was stare at you during practice.”

“We were dumber back then. Well, dumb and in denial.”

The round ends, Tanaka basically lapping Noya. Noya glares, full of friendly anger. Tanaka just grins smugly and starts the next round. “He text you?”

“Yeah I’m hanging out with him, Suga, and Daichi again tomorrow. You know those assholes abandoned us to go fuck at the bar. Asahi was so embarrassed. He’s just as cute as he was in high school.”

“You’re so whipped, dude. You aren’t even together yet.”

“Say that again when you tell Enno no and maybe I’ll listen, you simp.”

They fall back into a competitive silence, only talking to shout expletives. They play for hours until Tanaka’s stomach rumbles so loud it makes Noya nearly pee himself with laughter. They grab take out and watch crappy TV, idiotic K-Dramas that barely make sense.

Noya feels warm and fuzzy deep down in his chest. He’s really missed Tanaka. He was so stupid to hide away for 4 months. He’s still messed up about volleyball and family and his future, but with Tanaka next to him, he feels like he can take on the world. Change is terrifying, but Tanaka hasn’t changed that much, only for the better. Maybe he can do this after all.

His phone buzzes on his ride home, stuffed into the back of a small uber. He smiles as he checks it. Two new messages. One from Tanaka, a small smiley face with a message about meeting up again. The nervousness in the back of his head is pushed down by his excitement. He will never let himself lose Tanaka again even for a little while. The second message is from Asahi. It makes his smiles grow even wider. He can’t wait to hang out with him tomorrow even if Suga and Daichi are going to be there. He looks down at his clothes, clearly well worn. He’s going to have to swing by an ATM and buy some new clothes. He tells the driver to drop him off at an ATM.

Asahi’s worth it.

**Text Received 3:35pm**

**_My Ace: I’m glad you want to come. I’m kinda tired of third-wheeling with Dai and Suga. We’re gonna meet at the park near the library around 3. You know the one with the pond and all the squirrels._ **

**Text Sent 5:20pm**

**_Nishinoya: I know the place. I’ll see you then, Sahi :)_ **

He can do this.  _ He can do this. _

He pays the driver and grabs some cash at the ATM. Now he just needs to figure out what to wear.


	7. The Birds Will Sing Our Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after almost of month of no updates, the final chapter is finally here. I hope you guys enjoy this sweet ending and forgive me for my absence.
> 
> content warning: vague suicidal ideation (noya mentions wishing his life was over) and talk of physical injury and chronic pain.

If Asahi is being honest, he’s terrified, absolutely petrified. Meeting up with Noya is setting every nerve he has on edge. Suga and Daichi being there will make it easier in some ways. He’ll have them to fall back on when he can’t keep up a conversation and they’ll keep him from being the center of attention, but he can’t help but still feel apprehensive. He wants this to go well. He wants Noya to like him.    
  


The knots in his stomach tighten at the very thought of the younger man. Noya isn’t a judgey guy but Asahi’s head doesn’t seem to get that message. Instead his head has elected to ignore everything he knows about Noya and replace it with insecurity and anxiety.

He doesn’t have very long till the meet up. He’d paced his apartment all morning and struggled to keep down any food he ate as anxiousness ate away at his insides. He’d probably be fine. Daichi and Suga would keep him from making a fool of himself. He hopes so at least. Those two have always been trouble makers.

His phone buzzes. Daichi and Suga are waiting outside his apartment, car thrumming with how loud Suga has the radio. It’s a beautiful day, the last one he’ll spend with his friends before they return to campus. The sun is shining through the sparse clouds, warm and welcoming. His friends’ smiles and the warm air wash away some of his worries.  _ Some. _

“Hey, big guy! Hurry up or we’re gonna be late. You know Daichi drives like an old man,” Suga shouts over the pop music blaring from the crackling car speakers. Asahi faintly hears Daichi say something under the sound of Suga singing loudly.

He hops in the back seat, pulling his legs close to his body. He’s really too big to cram himself back here but Suga loves the front seat and Asahi lives to please.

Daichi reaches towards the radio and turns down the music, much to Suga’s displeasure. “Soooo, you invited Yuu, right?”

Asahi blushes though he isn’t quite sure why the question embarasses him so much. “Yeah, he said he’d meet us there.”

Suga turns around in his seat and beams at Asahi. “You finally gonna make a move?”

Daichi laughs under his breath, eyes still locked on the road. “Don’t push it Suga. We’re lucky he even texted him.” Asahi knows he’s right but it still stings a little. Suga laughs good naturedly and Asahi feels the sting melt away. He knows they don’t mean any harm. He is a coward, always has been. He hopes that maybe that will change even if it’s just for today.

The car ride is somehow far too short and insufferably long. Daichi takes back streets to avoid traffic which lengthens the ride but also allows Asahi to think over his game plan. His game plan consists of trying desperately to seem cool while also not trying too hard to seem cool. He’s not sure he can pull it off but he has to try. Noya will probably be going back to school soon and he can’t miss his chance again.

The park comes into view and Asahi’s heart races, his hands begin to shake, and he starts to sweat. He rings his hands as Daichi parks. Suga is chatting happily but Asahi can’t hear him over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. Oh god he’s gonna fuck this up.

Daichi grabs him, shaking him softly from his stupor. “Hey, man, you alright? You look like you’re gonna be sick.” Suga is staring at him, kind eyes full of worry.

Asahi pulls away from Daichi a little, shaking his head. “I’m alright. Just nervous.”

Suga pats him on the back, smiling. “You’re going to be just fine, Asahi. He’s gonna love you and your little librarian outfit.”

Asahi wants to cry. He didn’t even think about his outfit. He probably looks like an old man in his green cardigan and brown slacks. He just threw something at the last minute because he lost track of time. He must look so dumb. Noya’s gonna hate it, hate him.

Suga waves his hand in front of Asahi’s face as Daichi rubs the taller boys back comfortingly. “Asahi honey, you gotta calm down. You’re gonna do just fine.”

Asahi doesn’t believe him but tries to find some courage anyway. He can’t chicken out after finally getting back in contact with Noya. He won’t let himself ruin this. 

Suga tugs him into the park, Daichi right behind them with a soft blanket in his arms. The spring air has a tendency to turn icy quick so they came prepared. Asahi sits down, leaving space between him and Suga so Daichi can also sit. They talk quietly for a few minutes. Daichi and Suga do most of the talking, neither trying to force Asahi to talk but making sure he still has a place in the conversation. Asahi is so grateful he has them in his life, always making sure he feels welcome. He hopes they’re enough to keep him from losing it in front of Noya.

Noya, as if on command, trots over to the group, smiling widely. Suga immediately hops to greet him, sling his arms around the smaller boy. “NISHI! My sweet boy! How are you?”

Noya chuckles, hugging Suga back just as tightly. “I’m good, Suga-san! How’s your last day in Miyagi going?”

The two of them make small talk loudly while Daichi and Asahi sit on the bench, watching with keen eyes. As Suga pulls Daichi into a storytelling session, Noya turns his attention to Asahi, honey brown eyes twinkling in the afternoon sun. He doesn’t get to say anything before Suga grabs his attention again with a dramatic tale of something that only kind of happened, but Asahi’s stomach still flips.

Asahi takes a moment to collect himself, eyes scanning over the boy in front of him. He’s wearing a soft black t-shirt and a pair of nice dark-wash jeans. It’s a simple outfit but he somehow still looks incredible. Asahi can’t pull his eyes away. He’s so concentrated on Noya that he doesn’t even hear Suga’s story. The only thing that gets his attention is when Noya laughs. Asahi swears that sound could wake him from death itself. He hopes he gets to hear it every day for the rest of his life.

Noya turns to him once more, finally escaping Suga’s grasp. He can still hear Suga chattering in the background, telling Daichi something in a very goofy tone. “Hey, Sahi.”

Asahi flushes, eyes jumping away from Noya and towards the ground. “Hi.”

Noya sits next to him as Suga and Daichi continue to be disgustingly sappy in front of them. Asahi nearly flinches when their knees touch, brain frying at the contact. Noya leans back, seemingly unaware of the effect he has on the taller man. 

Asahi leans back as well, attempting to come off as relaxed when in reality he’s anything but. Noya just smiles at him. He looks so good in the speckled sunlight streaming through the cherry blossoms like an angel on earth. “How have you been?”

Asahi can’t help but giggle a little at the question. His brain says ‘fucking terrible, an absolute mess” right as his mouth say “Alright! How about you?”

If only he knew that Noya went through the same thought process, that Noya was just as tangled up inside as he was. “I’ve been good. Met up with Ryuu yesterday.”

“Really? That’s great. I’m glad you guys caught up.” He pauses, eyes shyly glancing at the other man. “Do you mind if I ask why you two stopped talking?”

Before Noya can answer Suga butts in. “The pond is beautiful this time of year. Maybe you two should go for a walk?”

Asahi gapes at his friend, eyes wide with shock and embarrassment. Noya giggles softly as Daichi bursts out laughing. “Oh my god, Kou! You can’t just flirt for him! He’s a grown man.” Suga punches him in the shoulder before looking back at Asahi expectantly.

Noya just stands up, offering his hand to a blushing Asahi. “A walk doesn’t actually sound too bad. You coming, Azumane?” His voice is light and teasing but his eyes are steady, staring straight into Asahi’s soul.

Asahi takes his hand gently, pulling himself up off the bench. “Y-yeah. A walk sounds nice.”

He hears Suga start cheering and Daichi wolf whistle as they walk off towards the pond. They don’t talk for a while, simply walk side by side by the water. Nervousness rises in Asahi’s chest. He starts fiddling with his fingers, trying to distract himself from his own brain.

Noya stops once they’re almost out of Daichi’s and Suga’s sight, hidden by sakura trees. Asahi halts next to him, eyes locked on the ground. Noya reaches towards him, pulling one of his hands away from the other. Asahi glances up, flushing for what felt like the millionth time that day. “You don’t need to be so nervous, Asahi. I don’t bite.” Noya’s voice is tight, the teasing tone forced.

Asahi almost pulls his hand away but Noya tugs him on. They find another bench near the water and take a seat, Noya still grasping Asahi's hand. “I uh I’ve been having a rough couple of months. That’s why I wasn’t talking to Tanaka.”

Asahi stares for a moment before responding. “Oh...do you wanna talk about it? You don’t have to! I know we haven’t really been close for a while but I...I still care about you.”

Noya looks up at him, eyes soft like molten chocolate. Asahi can barely hold eye contact, stomach fluttering wildly. “I still care about you too, Asahi. I never stopped.”

Asahi freezes, body tensing. Holy shit is he flirting?

“You know, I had the biggest crush on you in high school,” Noya continues, looking back out at the pond. “I almost quit volleyball when you didn’t come back.”

Asahi didn’t know that. He  _ definitely  _ didn’t know  _ that. _

“Yeah, I was really into you. You were so cool and larger than life. So kind and tough and humble and talented and so much more. You were so many things at once and I uh...I could only ever be one thing at a time. You amazed me.” Asahi’s blushing bright red at this point, eyes locked on the gently swaying water in front of them. Noya rubs soft circles on his hands with his thumb, soothing any remaining anxiety Asahi may have.

Suddenly, Asahi feels Noya’s hand on his face, cupping his jaw and lightly tilting his head towards Noya. He turns, following the movement easily. Noya’s looking at him so softly, eyes beaming with something Asahi can’t name, something that makes his heart ache and soar at the same time.

“You  _ still _ amaze me.”

“Noya...you amaze me too. You always have.”

Noya grins and pulls Asahi to his feet. “C’mon let’s finish our walk”

Asahi is too stunned not to follow.

They walk for a while more before Noya finally speaks again. “I got hurt. Ya know, playing volleyball. I busted my knee up pretty bad. I’m gonna get better but it’ll never be the same. I don’t think I’m gonna be able to go pro and uh,” He freezes, pulling Asahi closer to him. “For the first time since you quit I’m thinking about giving up volleyball.”

Asahi doesn’t know what comes over him but he pulls Noya into his arms, tucking his head into Noya’s messy hair. Noya melts into the hug, burying himself into Asahi’s chest.

Asahi can hear him as he murmurs quietly into his collarbones. “I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Asahi. I haven’t even seen my parents since I got back to Miyagi. I hadn’t planned on seeing anyone then you showed up and flipped my world around just like you did that first day we met.”

Asahi rubs soothing circles on his back and tries his best to comfort the smaller man. “Why haven’t you gone home, Noya?” He keeps his voice soft like he’s comforting a spooked animal or a small child.

“It hasn’t felt like home for a long time. Mom just wants to know what I’m gonna do once a graduate and I don’t have an answer. I’ve just been existing, waiting for my life to just be over. I don’t know who I am without volleyball.”

Asahi carefully pushes Noya away, holding his shoulders and staring him right in his eyes. “You are Nishinoya Yuu, the guardian deity of Karasuno, incredible libero, and most of all a man who makes everything around him better. No matter what you do with your life Noya you are going to be great. You’ve always been more than volleyball, Nishi. You’re kind and sweet and smart in a way that school can’t teach. You’re so good, Noya. So incredibly good.”

Tears well in Noya’s eyes as Asahi talks, rambling about how amazing Noya is, how he believes in him no matter what. “You always had my back, Yuu, and I’m always gonna have yours for as long as you’ll let me.”

Noya chuckles softly, pulling Asahi close. Their noses are almost touching as the lean forehead to forehead, Asahi leaning down to reach the smaller man.

“How about forever?” is what Noya says but it sounds a lot like ‘be mine’.

“Sounds good to me.” is what Asahi replies but it sounds a lot like ‘i love you’.

Noya pulls Asahi down further, crushing their lips together. It’s not perfect, not by a long shot. The angle is awkward and they haven’t quite found a rhythm but they fit together so well, matched just right. The air is warm and the sakuras are in full bloom and Asahi has never felt more right. Nothing has ever felt so right.

Asahi pulls away, grinning stupidly. Noya grins right back.

“I gotta go back to college soon.”

“I know.”

“Can I come home to you?”

Asahi’s heart jumps. “Always, Noya, always.”

***

The sounds of the outside world seem far too intrusive in the comfort of Asahi’s small apartment. The birds are chirping far too loud and car horns rip through the air without any care for his beauty sleep. It’s been over a month since he became Noya’s home and while he’s still anxious about their relationship, Noya never fails to reassure him with soft gestures and even softer kisses. Life is so incredibly good.

He can hear Noya in the kitchen, clamoring about with little grace. He’s visiting for the weekend, taking time to see the people he cares about instead of burying himself in school work.

He’d rejoined the volleyball team after taking up some extra credit and raising his grades. He’s still not the best student but he’s doing better since he’s got Asahi and Tanaka in his corner rooting for him. He’s thinking about becoming a physical therapist, taking care of people who got hurt just like him.

Asahi rolls over, feet planting on the icy cold floor of his bedroom. He sneaks along into the kitchen, slipping behind his tiny sparrow of a boyfriend. Noya jumps before relaxing into the touch.

Asahi’s so glad this man crashed into his life with little care for his precariously placed rules. Noya had knocked down his walls and reached past his anxieties and saw him for who really was. In return, Asahi let Noya calm down, let him be more than just one thing. They gave each other a place to rest and leave behind the personas that most of the world never bothered to see through.

Noya hums a song Asahi doesn’t know and his phone buzzes on the counter. He doesn’t worry about who it is or what they want. Right here in this moment, Asahi doesn’t have to worry because Noya’s in his arms and everything is going to be just fine.


End file.
